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What kind of eyes do you have?


Scared
Your eyes are scared. Your eyes are scared of pain, or rejection. You know how much it hurts to lose someone u cared for, but in return they dumped you like a sack of potatoes! Someday you will find your special friend, or lover, so dont stay hidden too much. You have also seen much misery when it comes to guy too, so you pefer to keep it safe, and keep your heart locked up from everyone guy that seems to be interested. You dont wanna go through anymore pain....

Why is life so damn complicated? It really shouldn't be. It's been engraved in my head since forever that, you go to elementary school, you go to junior high, you go to highschool, you go to university, graduate from all four and then you work, start a family, work some more and then die. No one told me that there was gonna be so many questions throughout university about programs and such! PLUS roomates! I have so many issues right now regarding school, housing and roomates that I just can't even sleep! like, i wanted to go to bed 4 hours ago, but when am I doing at 3am? blogging about all this crap that's bothering me right now and not having anyone to talk to! I don't want to confront anyone on the problems specifically, because I know if we talk about it in a group setting, I'm sure it'll bother someone else and can  back me up (I'm terrible at arguing). normally, in situations like this, I talk to certain people about it, but I've either grown apart from them, or have become roomates with them. I feel like I can't talk to her the same anymore. We've talked a few times this year, but I can't talk roomate stuff with her as much as before because I'm scared one of them will wlak in before we figure out a solution. I really don't want to move back home, I don't know where'd I'd have more problems. I'm thinking I'd have more problems in london just cause i'd hafta pay rent on top of dealingwith ppl i live with. I dunno.
a couple of my roomates aren't talking to each other because of each of their childish behaviours and stubbornness. and if you guys read it, you need to know. you have to udnerstand that anything said over msn cannot be taken THAT seriously! SO many misunderstandings occur over msn that you shouldn't be not talking to each other for 2-3 friggen weeks when you don't even know the other side of the story! PLUS if the other person's not talking to you and it bothers you, ASK. if you think it's their problem and you want them to talk to you about it, then it obviously bothers you enough to be sensible to askt hem yourself. OMFG. Just. agh. you're both being childish. but I guess it seems to be okay for everyone else in the apt., but is it too selfish for me to ask for you guys to resolve this issue you have? because h onestly, we have 5 months more to go! you both have mixed ideas, and if you odn't talk about it, someone's gonna end up SUPERLY pissed at the end of the year when they think they're gonna live together, but the other person was moving out. I usually don't ask for too much, I don't think I do, but I really wish this could end. When you come to me with your problems, they automatically become my problem and affects me too. it's the way I am. when I'm sitting in math class and thinking about my roomates acting like stubborn children, SOMETHING needs to be done.

No one ever listens to me anyway, I don't even know why they come to me. Maybe because they know I'm a push-over? I dunno? But u know what? I boil about it inside. I don't try to make it other ppl's problems.
And if the only way to get ur attention is to do something lame like write a note saying that we're having a meeting to talk about all these issues, I will. I cannot live like this. I'm sorry for being so selfish. because the way you're making it sound, is that you would not have talked to her at all if it wen't for me. I'm sorry for asking so much out of you. but I don't know how else you thought i'd react.

not knowing where I'm going, and with roomates that don't get along. it just makes me want to leave this place. or cry. for now, I will just cry. about what I want to do, but don't know how to, and for what I can't do. we'll see how everything goes after tomorrow.

----"One Step CLoser" - Linkin Park----
I cannot take this anymore
I'm saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Less I hear the less you'll say
But you'll find that out anyway

Just like before...

Everything you say to me
takes me one step closer to the edge
and i'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
'cause i'm one step closer to the edge
And i'm about to break

I find the answers aren't so clear
wish I could find a way to disappear
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
nothing seems to go away
over and over again

shut up when I'm talking to you

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It bothers me that people don't think I do any work. I realise that I probably don't do as much work as I should, nor do I do as much work as some other people, but that does not mean I don't do work.  Why do people make these assumptions? Just because I'm basically focussing on one discipline does not make my program easier than theirs.  Computer Science is hard I assure you. It requires technical detail, logic and creativity. Just like any other program. So stop acting suprised when you see me do work. I may not know where I'm going, but that does not mean I'm going to totally blow off my thousands of dollars that I have worked for.

Feeling antisocial these days. So if you can help it, please don't frustrate me. I have a lot of other things on my mind.