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| "You" - Switchfoot |
| 03.28.05 (8:33 am) [edit] |
hmm, weekend was ... I dunno, it wasn't superly boring...I got some work done, and ALOT of eating done. Although, thinking back on the past few days, I can't exactly remember exactly how I ate so much, cause I didn't actually make much! However, I distinctly taking out alot of time to eat, mostly because I got stuck on my assn'ts, or needed a break from thinking.
Saturday night and Sunday morning was pretty much wasted (from doing academic work anyway). I spent it with Mike, and I suppose both of us didn't have a very good sleep, cause we were in bed from midnightish to 1pmish...:? oy! well, I know he's sleep deprived, but me, I woke up at 3 initially, and then kept waking up from 5 onwards. two phone calls, and after the second, i finally got up and showered. hah, i think if i had showered at 5am, i would've felt cleaner slept better. lol. Asides from that though, I had some pretty good sleep over the weekend (ie, thursday and friday night). hehe, LOTS of good sound sleep...:D...mm...prolly won't get any of that again until after my last exam on the 17th of April. stupid sociology, that's gonna kill me. boo. i hate that course. at first, it was interesting, but it just got more and more depressing. As if I didn't have enough problems just thinking about all that stuff, but to have it confirmed just makes it THAT much worse. agh. whatever, it's almost over.
So, school's over in less than a month. Where did the last 8 months go? Hell, where did the last 20 months go? I'm almost finishing second year Uni, and yet, I don't feel that much more knowledgable. I'm sure I did gain something out of the past few months, but still. I dunno. No breakthroughs. *shrug* whatever. I just don't know what to do come next year. Or even the summer. I'm currently looking for a summer job, in Mississauga and London. I figure, I'm less frustrated in London, and I get more work done in London, and I'm paying rent anyway, I might as well live there, right? I dunno. There's a few places I want to apply to, in both cities, but my floppy isn't opening up on this computer. agh. there aren't many applications on this computer. boo. see, this is what happens when u're introduced to better software, and then rely on it, and then when u don't have it, you can't switch back to basic notepad! boo. lol. oh well. I suppose I can, I just don't want to deal with copy and paste and such. anyway. Speaking of which, I SHOULD be doing work right now, but seirously, I don't know how to structure this thing. agh. and there's no MSN on this computer either. Boo busy CS lab...all the new/good computers are taken. oh well. anyway. back to "work"
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| "Secret" - Maroon 5 |
| 03.22.05 (11:16 am) [edit] |
I just wanted to take a minute to document my GREAT mood! WOW! I can't remember the last time I've (or even if I've ever have) been in SUCH a good mood for no particular reason!
THE weather is AWESOME, I had a pretty good day after I handed in my assignment yesterday, made some cookies that everyone liked and finished (dang, I should've saved some for myself!), and I dunno! I am just in SUCH a good mood right now! apartment to myself blast music, sing and frolick around in, I LOVE IT! man! this is SOO awesome! WEEEE!!! :D:D hehe! this is so strange, I wonder how long it will last...hmmm...meh!
mmm...GREAT mood...mmmMM! hehe
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| "Get Mine, Get Yours" - Christina Aguilera |
| 03.22.05 (7:33 am) [edit] |
So, he considered it a break up. hmm. I suppose it was. But, what the hell are we doing now then? we're still "seeing each other", so like, that's still broken up? I have no clue.
Good night though...mm...*smile* Must not get too emotionally attached though...gotta keep reminding myself that. If he's not going to, I can't, right?
hah, we had a conversation earlier in the evening about Pearl Jam, well, more of him telling me about them, and he's like, they're like a 1995-1999 Linkin Park. And I go over, listen to some, and I'm like you're kidding, right? how is this like LP?!? lol...apparently, that's his generation of that type of music...type of thing...I dunno how to put it back into words...lol...but yeah....some of their stuff is pretty good, but some weren't....prolly cause I wake up to it on the radio at 7am :? heh
We're such nerds though, we were up til like, 1am discussing MATH. okay, he discussed it, tried to figure out new formulae and such, and I listened, and tried to understand, but 1) I was tired 2) I suck at math/pattern spotting. I TRIED to contribute a bit...but...yeah, I don't think it helped. *shrug* oh well.
OH! I told him that F6 gets you to the address bar in a browser (cause he kept using his mouse) and then I said how I'm still looking for the keyboard shortcut to minimize windows, and it's <window key> + m!!! I just tried it, and it's SOO exciting! WOW! I'm quite amused by this. HAHA! :D:D I am SUCH a nerd sometimes :oops: lol, oh well! That's my CS stereotype for ya! hehe!
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| "Love for all seasons" - Christina Aguilera |
| 03.21.05 (10:26 am) [edit] |
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I am currently finding my mind wandering back to a really really early conversation we had back in december...:(....I must learn to focus! agh! i'm so not getting this done by 5....there's no way...OY! :x
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| "Where have all the good people gone" - Sam Roberts |
| 03.21.05 (5:49 am) [edit] |
whoa, weird, first time ever having a Sam Roberts song in my head...lol..it was playing on the radio this morning when I got out of the shower....
so anyway, apparently, this is the month (or time of year) that everyone seems to be having problems...oy! Obviously, I'm not gonna share with everyone else, but I'll briefly discuss mine.
I half broke up with Mike on Thursday night...half because I was saying the words (kind of), but it was really clear that it wasn't what I wanted to do. I didn't know what I wanted. He told me to msn him my final decision when I got back to my apt, cause he knew it was too hard for me to say things in person. So, a day later of crying and thinking and such, I decided to at least try to be friends, and we went out for dinner (as friends). We had a good time, but I miss (and i could tell he missed it too) the close playfulness we had before. So, the final decision is that we're gonna "casual date". We both know we can't handle a serious relationship or anything like that right now; personal issues on both sides. But we definately want to stay friends, but we'll still have fun when/if we see each other. We'll see each other if we have time, but don't expect to see each other often. So hopefully, feelings don't get too involved because of this situation, and the official breakup at the end of April will be less harsh.
But, while I talked to some of my roomates last night, I wonder, if I'm taking the easy way out, by staying WITH him (sort of). Because, I'm avoiding all the emotional turmoil that I already felt on the Thursday before I really decided anything. I dunno. sometimes, I feel like I'm entering a fwb relationship, but, if there's feelings on both parties, it isn't fwb, is it? I have no clue. *shrug*
There's a phrase I read somewhere...I can't remember if it's a quote from Winston Churchill or Martin Luther King...I THINK it was Churchill, but I'm not sure....it went something like this:
"If you find yourself going through hell, keep going."
I suppose, it's either that, or you kill yourself. So, the moral of the story is, things will get better; you just have to get through the bad stuff first. It will take some time, but you'll get through it. We'll all get through it; together, we can conquer it all. lol. maybe some ice cream or something will make it easier ;)
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| "Sometimes" - Papa Roach |
| 03.16.05 (9:33 am) [edit] |
hmm....I currently have a feeling of anxiety, nervousness perhaps, rushing over me right now. Maybe it's my physical check up in 35 min but I'm still at work cause the tapes aren't over yet! yikes!
Plus, the next big events that will prolly happen really soon....oy.
Not much to say right now. too nervous/anxious to think. agh! I'll just pace around the room for a bit.
Assignment for 208 isn't going THAT great either, however, I got it to add! yay! hehe, that's a big enough accomplishment already. took alot longer to add in C with huge numbers. but, I still can't subtract ... although, i ahven't really tried yet in my 208 assn't. so ... yeah...ish...
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| "Out of Control" - Hoobastank |
| 03.12.05 (3:45 am) [edit] |
hmm, obviously, that "talk" didn't go as planned. I dunno. I sort of started, but then it took a different direction. Dun really want to talk about the specifics. But, at one point, he told me to listen to a song, and it's meaning, and I already knew the song really well, "Easier to Run". And then, after he said to listen to the lyrics and such, he said this one phrase, that I had blogged about a month ago, a phrase that I randomly typed. And I was like. omg, he found my blog. Cause, that blog, had that song as the title, and ended with that exact same phrase he said. Down to the punctuation and capitalizations and every single word. It was like, totally copy and paste. But he said he didn't find the blog. He just said it. I still don't know if I believe it...he said he didn't find it, but now he can find it if he wanted to, cause I sent him that post to show him why I thought he had found it. So he can easily find it if he wants to. But he said he wouldn't, that it'd be my own little place.
If he did totally randomly comp up with the phrase/msg, "Once in a while, the emotions just have to come out. Some way or another, it has to come out.", it'd be kinda scary. How can two people think so similarly, yet SOOO differently? Plus, reasons why I suspect he didn't randomly come up with it himself, is that it's fully punctuated. He doesn't often do that. I dunno. ugh. I want to believe him, but, seriously, HOW did that happen?!?!
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| "Easier to Run" - Linkin Park |
| 03.10.05 (2:56 pm) [edit] |
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ugh. We need to talk. I need to talk. It's gonna be hard. We'll see how it goes. I suppose I'll be courteous and wait for him to finish his projects. Hmm.
My ring that I got from Disney world is going to be my mood ring. If I'm in a bad mood or something, it gets turned around. no Smilez.
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| "40 Kinds of Sadness" - Ryan Cabrera |
| 03.05.05 (5:04 am) [edit] |
I stole this off a friend's Friendster post.
Mostly wanted to do it just for Q21 ;)
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1.What kind of first impression do you think people have when they first see you?
- I was apparently once a bump on a log, a quiet fob, but now, I'm not sure. Prolly a quiet, non-English speaking kid
2. what's one thing you like to do alone?
- Drive and listen to my music
3. what is your favorite line to say when bored?
- *shrug*
4. what movie made you cry?
- Alot of movies make me cry. Even Stuart Little..it was so sad when the family wanted little stewy back! :(
5. how many drinks before you're tipsy?
- I'm a freakin light-weight asian! half a cooler/beer already has me PINK!!
6. do you ever have to beg?
- I don't think I ever have enough desire for whatever it is to beg. But I'm sure there are times where I do have to :?
7. what kind of books do you like to read?
- uh, I don't really read books for enjoyment anymore.
8. do you think you're cute?
- I'm too annoying to be cute. lol
9. do you have a problem changing clothes in front of your friends?
- I have problems changing my clothes in front of anyone.
10. favorite communication method?
- Instant Messaging
11. do you care?
- care about what?
12. what do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?
- dependson what's in there, and how much I had during the day, and how much longer I stay up. Can range from anywhere from a full out meal to veggies/fruit to crackers (uh, i suppose that's not in the fridge though)
13. if you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
- tooo scary to think about it
14. do you fall in love easily?
- I dunno...I suppose I develop feelings easily
15. describe your bed?
- It's good for my back. And has more than enough space for just me. Not quite enough for another though. Manageable, but not as comfy ;)
16. spontaneous or planned?
- I'm not quite adventureous enough to be spontaneous. except for that one random trip to the states we had for that weekend.
17. do you know how to play poker?
- suprisingly, yes, which prompted my sister to ask "What are you doing at Western?!?" when I won Poker with a bunch of peopole who had alot more experience than I
18. what do you carry with you at all time?
- Hair elastics, watch, phone, OH, and either glasses or contacts, but I wear those.
19. what do you miss most about being little?
- The sleep. The lack of responsibility. The food placed in front of me.
20. are you happy with your given name?
- Not really. It's terrible; English and Chinese. oy
21. how much would it take to give up the internet for 1 year?
- holy giant jesus! how am I supposed to answer this? I need it for school! but...uh...if I didn't...I would say...omg, I can't! except MAYBE enough money to pay all my current debts and to pay for my future school related costs. But that might not even be possible. No Internet? 365 (maybe 266) days with no internet!?! That's 8760 HOURS!!! That's like, my life right there!
22. what color is your bedroom?
- white, but randomly, and sparsely decorated with posters/pictures
23. have you ever been in a play?
- I think so. I vaguely remember playing a car. haha! I wanna say gr 6. we put on some play, and I was part of a "traffic jam". lol I just remembered that now!
24. do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
- No.
25. do homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?
- no, I don't see them often. and when I do, I feel really bad for them. I know some people don't because they think that they put themselves in that situation, but I don't think that at all. I'm sure some are, but I'm sure many people don't have a choice. Some have disabilities that keep them from reaching their potential, and thus, people do'nt want to hire them. Plus, it's hard to seek help sometimes. It takes a really strong person to realise the problem, and it takes a stronger person to admit it and to seek help. When you've already hit that stage, it's hard to be strong. You've lost almost everything already, how can you continue being strong?
26. do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
- Unfortunately, yes. Too nice sometimes. So nice it makes me cry sometimes.
27. do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends?
- Right now, my roomates. No, actaully, right now, my computer. I don't want to be in anyone's way. Don't want to be a bother. I suppose this way, I can find out who actually cares.
28. what's one thing you wish you could do but can't?
- sleep forever and never wake up.
29. what is your ideal marriage location?
- Never thought about it.
30. what's one instrument you wish you could play?
- drums and/or guitar
31. something you like and hate?
- being involved with someone. Hate it cause I'm miserable if we're not with each other.
32. what's one language you want to learn?
- I suppose, relearn Cantonese, and learn Mandarin? Then maybe I can understand what Mike says to me. omg, I still can't believe he teaches me Mandarin and about Chinese history. :roll: He's freakin white! lol.
33. what do you order at a bar?
- uh, last thing I ordered was OJ, which was two nights ago, cause I had 9am class next day.
34. have you ever pierced your body parts?
- by myself? no. But my ears have a hole in each.
35. do you have any tattoos?
- no
36. would you admit to getting plastic surgery if confronted?
- I don't have any. but prolly, yes.
37. what's one trait you hate in a person?
- high-levels of arrogance
38. do you consider yourself materialistic?
- unfortunatley, I think I am. I think basically everyone is. maybe not VERY materialistic, but I believe everyone has at least a low-level of materialism
39. what do you cook best?
- cookies/brownies. depends on the person. heh
40. do you cry in front of your friends?
- I don't think I have recently. I try not to. I leave the room. But then again, I might have, given recent occurences.
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| "Just One" - Hoobastank |
| 03.03.05 (11:56 am) [edit] |
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I had a pretty deep sleep last night. Probably because I had less than 3 and 5 hours of sleep in the previous two days. I think I slept through my radio alarm clock for a full hour before I finally thought about looking at it. lol. Thank goodness I set it early! haha. I was up studying for 208 on Tuesday night, and at some point, Mike and I started talking about stuff. He asked blogs. He apparently has no idea what they are, which really suprises me. But he asked me a bit of what I write on here. I told him a bit, and then I had a few "spiels" as I called it at the time of what I felt, why I felt it, and stuff like that. I even told him stuff that I only put on my other blog. I think he probably thinks I'm a different person now. I don't know. He's probably seeing me in a different "light" now. He seemed pretty quiet the next morning, I don't think I've ever seen him like that. He said it was just cause it was early, but I dunno. He was probably just thinking. I don't think he got much sleep though, cause we were chatting until like, 2:30am, and then I went over to his place and we talked a bit more. I fell asleep prolly around 4:30ish, but knowing him and his non-stop thinking, he prolly didn't sleep an hour (I had to get up at 7 for midterm at 9).
He said I should ignore what he said back in December, all that stuff about the "future" and stuff, and just have fun for now, if that's want. I do want to have fun; be happy. But I don't know how I'll feel when the day comes that we're gonna hafta split up. We'd still try to be friends, but, look at him and his ex, she finally entirely broke it off (including communicating) on Monday because it was too hard. But probably because she hurt so much. I don't know what I'm going to do. But, I'll try this (yet again) and hopefully it'll work out okay. The thing is, I want someone to talk to, to pour my heart and feelings out to, but if I know he's only a temporary figure in my life, then, I don't know if I should. I told him something, and he seemed a bit disturbed (maybe that's not the reaction i'mlooknig for...but i can't think of the word right now) by it (he was using his webcam and I saw him react to the stuff I said to him). He told me I have to start talking to him, exactly what I'm feeling, but, I don't want to hurt HIM with my hurt. Because alot of my pain has nothing to do with him. I don't know if he understands that. And I don't want my own emotional instability to affect him. I know he worries, and it's sweet, but I don't think it's something anyone can change. I just hope he doesn't think he can equate making it better by making me "happy" (referring to sociology terms now). I dunno. that's another discussion for another time. Right now, we're both busy with school.
Anyway, speaking of school, that is where I am right now, supposedly working on my writing assn't due in 3 hours.
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Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
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