Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2009 February
2008 January
2007 December
2007 November
2007 October
2007 August
2007 April
2007 March
2007 February
2007 January
2006 November
2006 October
2006 September
2006 August
2006 June
2006 May
2006 March
2006 February
2006 January
2005 December
2005 November
2005 October
2005 September
2005 August
2005 July
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
2004 February
2004 January
2003 December
My Links
Guestbook
My Website
Friendster
The Art Institute of Toronto
Rawk's Blog
Sillylittlegirl's Blog
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
*HUGS* TOTAL!
give Smilez_Alwayz more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own
|
| I have concluded that.... |
| 07.29.05 (1:00 pm) [edit] |
I'm CRAZY!!!
I came home yesterday from work, and I was just in a pissed off mood. kraP.rM scheduled me from Thursday-Wednesday 8-9 hr shifts right before my Thursday night exam, AND he wants me to open on the Friday after my exam at 5:30am! WTF?!?! I told him my exam was in Toronto until 10pm! How inconsiderate can a person be?!? Not only did he not care to give me time to study/prep for my exam, he doesn't care to give me some time to relax after my exam!!! :evil:
Plus, right before I left work, one of our regular customers came in, and was talking to Steph, but I wanted to talk to Steph before I left, so I just stayed around, and half joined in the conversation now and then while I did minimal work (since Steph did NO work at the time :P ). At some point, it got WAYYYY too personal, and just made me mad, cause it just showed how all guys are the freakin same!
So, anyway, I got home, and the second I step through the garage doors, I get this wave of negative energy, that I just wanted to punch/throw/damage something. I just decided to play something really really loud on the piano. *shrug* But then I was just SOOO pissed off by the end of the piece that I just played some random chords (clashed). And I stormed out of the piano room and randomly started yelling like a crazy person. :? You'd honestly think there was something I was venting to, but nope, empty house! So I went upstairs, screamed a bit, yelled at myself to take a shower and calm down. So I had a shower, but throughout the shower, I was still yelling at/scolding myself, and then I was thinking about why I was so pissed off, and I directed my pissed-off-ness towards STUPID BOYS!!! THEY'RE SO STUPID! JUST THROW ROCKS AT THEM! SERIOUSLY! AGH! That had been my phrase for this past week or two...haha. honestly though. AGH! My MSN name right now: I should start an invaluable rock collection. The people I talk to most often would know what I'm talking about, but the others MIGHT, but maybe not. They most likely think I'm some weirdo.
I remembered one time in second semester where I was just SUPER happy, and I couldn't contain myself! No one was at the apartment, and I was just skipping around, and I just had so much positive energy I didn't know what to do with it! Anyway, so I was thinking today, how extreme I get sometimes. :? Like, wtf?! I swear, if it's possible to have a mild case of bipolar disorder, I have it. :shock: oy.
But, going back to last semester, when I was called "depressed" by someone I currently want to throw a rock at, I don't think I was or am. I think I'm just really bitter about alotta things. *shrug* I'm starting to understand that things are the way they are just purely because of human nature (no duh), and there's no way to change the way things are, because it's not possible. People will always be jerks, will always be selfish, will always be inconsiderate, will always be assholes, and will always stupid!! Not necessarily am I talking about the male species (although, it is more directed towards them than anyone else), but the females too. PEOPLE are like that. And I am those as well (not ALL the time...but it happens...u know...shit happens...*shrug*).
People can always keep trying to make things better, but there will ALWAYS be people standing by to shoot them down. The forces of the selfish assholes are always stronger and greater, because more selfish people are formed when they learn that they need to protect themselves in the game of life.
I still need to do that post about nature/nurture that...I dunno, parallels? ...with music....mm...soon...hopefully...lol
------------------------- -----------------------
Bits and pieces of "Take Me" by Papa Roach
Take me and let me in
So take me and let me in
Don't break me and shut me out
I lit my pain on fire
And I watched it all burn down
Now I'm dancing in the ashes
And theres no one else around
Cause I wanna be apart of something
This is just a story of a broken soul
As days go by, my heart grows cold
I can't seem to let this all pass me by
Don't shut me out
Does anyone around me feel the same
Put your fist up and vent your pain
Take Me
Don't Break Me
|
|
10 Comments
|
| |
| "Life Goes On" - Leanne Rhimes |
| 07.15.05 (4:37 pm) [edit] |
...he was supposed to get married next month... :cry:
I was thinking. From each relationship, you should not only lose, but should gain something too, right? So, if anything, I learned to be...productive? I really do watch alot less TV. I have so much more time to do things now (ie: blog :? ... lol...but I do other work too though, and see people face to face, too!). I will not only suffer the consequences of the events, but I will learn from that person, to be less of a lazy-bum. :)
I don't know if I am just avoiding the main events that caused this situation (totally caused by myself throughout the years, no one's fault but my own), and just taking the exact opposite turn to avoid it so I can get past this "episode" (which a NORMAL person would totally be over by now :roll: ), but whatever it is, I'm gonna try to stay on track this time.
I must learn self-discipline and think only what is necessary. I am slowly being able to stray away those stupid thoughts that had constantly robbed me of all my energy. I hope nothing happens that will make me fall off this path to "normal", but stronger Mandy again. I really need to fix myself before school starts again. I have to.
And hey, no one commented on my "sticker" under the chat box thing!
"I may be small, but I'll beat you up." I like it. :P
|
|
6 Comments
|
| |
| It's like I'm not me |
| 07.13.05 (8:37 am) [edit] |
I like the bridge in this song. Or, at least I think that's the bridge *-)...:)
"Addicted" - Kelly Clarkson
It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
|
|
14 Comments
|
| |
| Tickle Test: What's Behind Your Emotions? |
| 07.12.05 (2:45 pm) [edit] |
Another test from the Tickle Test website. You need an account to do their quizzes, but they have SOO many, so it's worth it to get an account, if you're into those online quiz things. :wink:
What's Behind Your Emotions?
Why You Feel the Way You Do
Mandy, your emotions are triggered by your underlying belief in Honesty
In other words, your commitment to leading an honest life, and your belief in the truth, directly affect how, and how often, you experience certain feelings.
For example, your test results indicate that you're most fulfilled when you can share all your thoughts and feelings — good or bad. That factor is directly related to your fundamental belief in honesty and the range of emotions it triggers.
I agree that I am a fairly honest person. And if someone isn't honest, I am bothered by it. This honesty thing is why I had so much trust in people. I assume all were honest. Until I realised that some are not always honest. They only do things for their own benefit, and tell you enough to get what they want.
I don't think I am a dishonest person. Although, there are some things I don't share with people. I hope that one day I can. I hope I can be completely honest one day. One day...
|
|
6 Comments
|
| |
| Do you know datespeak? |
| 07.06.05 (1:03 pm) [edit] |
I took a test thing on Tickle test called "Do you know your datespeak?" lol
What You Say
The truth and nothing but the truth. You say what you mean. No mixed signals. You don't succumb to the typical game-playing that so often accompanies dating. In fact, you won't even humor the guy if you're not interested. And, if you're looking for reassurance, you'll ask for it. Altering your words to prevent an awkward situation doesn't make much sense to you. Say what you mean, right? Well, we commend you for your honesty and good intentions. Many people in the dating scene avoid speaking their mind and end up sending very ambiguous messages. That doesn't fly with you. Your words simply and clearly convey your thoughts. No ulterior motives. You know he can't read your mind, and you probably have no interest in waiting for him to pick up on your subtle cues. By doing this, you demand — and most definitely receive — a ton of respect from the guys you date. You're one up on the rest of the dating world. Congratulations, you've cracked the dating code! |  |  | | less trusting | more trusting |
What You Believe
Naivete is not the best card to play in the dating game. You take what he says at face value, no questions asked. Is that a good thing? Well, it depends on the guy and the situation. You don't seem concerned that there could be an underlying message that he's secretly trying to convey. Remember that it's common for people to say things they don't mean, or to throw in a white lie or two to avoid an awkward situation. Until you know someone's intentions, it's smart to be a little skeptical. By no means are we saying that cynicism is the key to a healthy relationship. Not at all. But a small dose of it might be helpful in the beginning. Your first inclination is to assume that his words mirror his thoughts, which reflects your open and honest nature. That's a great quality. Remember, however, that sometimes he won't dare speak his mind. Hopefully, your straightforward ways will make him more inclined to follow your lead and communicate directly. In the meantime, however, how about trying to find a middle ground? An open mind mixed with a touch of skepticism might just be the best remedy. You'll be well on your way to cracking the datespeak code!
Hmm, so, I agree that I was/am too naive. Should I ever find myself in such a situation again, I WILL be more skeptical, and not take things for face-value. hmph. Take THAT for taking advantage of my naivety and innocence.
|
|
4 Comments
|
| |
| "Because of You" - Kelly Clarkson |
| 07.05.05 (5:08 pm) [edit] |
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
------------------------- ---------
I finally bought her CD today. And Cat, Steph, Kay, and I have come to the conclusion that this (above) song is a post-breakup song, and not about a parent passing away. lol
I think it must be PMS-moodswing time again. :x ... I'm not looking forward to it...I almost felt tears today. omg. I can't stand my emotional instability. I hear The Pill is supposed to eliminate some of that...but I dunno if that's enough of a reason to subject myself to daily medication. And it's not like I'm ..uh..active ... enough to really need it. lol. cramps have been getting a bit worse lately though...The Pill is also supposed to reduce the pain experienced...so...I dunno... still...DAILY medication? I know it's a TINY TINY pill, but, still! I feel guilty as it is taking vitamins! I feel like I'm dependant on some manmade substance! well, I suppose, I am living in a manmade house in a manmade world, but...u know...*shrug*
[EDIT: whoawhoa! I caught a HUGE error in this post, and I just fixed it now. -July 6th, 2005, 7:06pm
|
|
2 Comments
|
| |
| "Don't Stay" - Linkin Park |
| 07.04.05 (1:21 pm) [edit] |
Perhaps the only way for me to break out of my current state of misery is by emersing myself into the world that has brought me here in the first place.
So this is what people call life and taking risks, eh? (yup, you are reading the words of a proud Canadian)
I should probably get out of my angry/hateful state before I inflict it (the anger/hate/misery) upon another human being. But how to do that? That IS part of my misery. Oh, the wonderful circles I always travel in.
But seriously. I think the only way for me to rid myself of these thoughts of the past, is to actually move forward. And take what I learned with me. Technically, I should not be fearing that every relationship will result like the one I just ended (uh, 3 months ago...but it still feels so fresh). But, honestly, it is so hard to fully trust another person, and myself as well. I don't trust what I would do in a similar situation. Because I am so emotionally driven sometimes, like last time, I go against my own words. I have been good up to last year about doing "the right thing", or so I thought anyway. I rarely took my own well-being into alot of consideration. I suppose it was because I never knew what the experience would be like, so I didn't really care for it. But now that I have, I liked it. I want to "beam" again. But I don't want to be taken advantage again. It hurt too much. It still hurts. I don't ever want to hurt like that initial metaphorical stab I felt, but, this dull ache doesn't seem to want to leave until I can move on. And the person that I am, I need to satisfy that ache in order to heal. But I risk that heart-wrenching pain again. You see that circle I am going in that I mentioned above? OY!
M: I hate what you did to me, but I hope you are doing well. I can't say whether or not I want to see you again though. Well, I do, but I don't. You know. I suppose I won't have a choice if we have class(es) together again. ...so I hope you get into Ivey, to avoid any confrontation.
Title Song: Don't Stay - Linkin Park
Sometimes I need to remember just to breathe
Sometimes I need you to stay away from me
Sometimes I’m in disbelief I didn’t know
Somehow I need you to go
[Chorus:]
Don’t stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
What you were changing me into
Just give me myself back and
Don’t stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
Take all your faithlessness with you
Just give me myself back and
Don’t stay
Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well
Sometimes I just feel like screaming at myself
Sometimes I’m in disbelief I didn’t know
Somehow I need to be alone
[Chorus]
I don’t need you anymore, I don’t want to be ignored
I don’t need one more day of you wasting me away
I don’t need you anymore, I don’t want to be ignored
I don’t need one more day of you wasting me away
With no apologies
[Chorus]
Don't stay
Don't stay
------------------------- ---
Oops, okok, so i'll post lyrics once in a while.
------------------------- ---
|
|
1 Comments
|
| |
| more quizzes |
| 07.02.05 (6:57 pm) [edit] |
You May Be a Bit Borderline ... |
Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame!
When you're up, you're a little bit crazy...
And when you're down, your whole world is crashing
Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute! |
Yeah, i don't think this very suprising at all! Sorry about the moodswings, I can't help it sometimes. Actually, I just can't help it. I suppose I can just try to not show it. It usually depends on who/what surrounds me. I can often hide my mood. :^) Unless someone did something at that moment to alter my mood. *shrug*
Your Taste in Music:
|
| Alternative Rock: High Influence | | Adult Alternative: Medium Influence | | 90's Alternative: Low Influence | | 90's Rock: Low Influence | | Country: Low Influence | | R&B: Low Influence |
Not surprising either. Although...90's alternative? who's/what's an example between 2000's and 1990's alternative? (Sorry, i really don't know the diff. types of music. I just listen to it, and ppl tell me what genre i lean towards)
|
|
0 Comments
|
| |
| Advice on cartilege piercing? |
| 07.01.05 (5:03 pm) [edit] |
I've been wanting to get my ear cartilege pierced for the last couple of years, but thoughts of pain and, mostly, infection keep haunting me.
I've semi-researched online, for people's stories/experiences of having it done, and there have been some really good ones, and some REALLY bad ones...now, I gotta ask, for anyone who's had their cartilege pierced, is it really that bad? or are the bad cases from improper care? Do you recommend someone getting it pierced? or is it just that bad? hmm...
And, what's with this gauge thing?
If I do have it done, I know that I should NOT get it done with a gun though, and that I should go to a tattoo/body piercing place, where they are professionally trained, and use a needle. Does anyone know of a good place/person in the GTA? (but mostly, in Mississauga)
Please provide some feedback!! Thanks a bunch :)
|
|
4 Comments
|
| |
|
Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
|
