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| radio: "We Belong Together" - Mariah Carey |
| 08.27.05 (5:51 pm) [edit] |
The Keys to Your Heart |
| You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. |
| In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. |
| You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. |
| You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
| Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. |
| Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship. |
| You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. |
| In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
WTF? 100% risk of cheating?!?!? :? If this ever happens (this is on the assumption that I am even ever in a relationship again to begin with), someone, please, slap/kick/punch/beat me. No person should ever go thru that emotional turmoil torture thing that is often followed by such events.
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| "Get Away" - Avant |
| 08.21.05 (5:18 pm) [edit] |
In London. bleh. weather's nice. house isn't bad. just needs cleaning and air freshening. And I need to figure out what to do with my furniture. oy. I dunno what I should do about where to put stuff! The amount of furniture and the amount of space is kinda difficult. especially with my constraints about where I don't want certain things. oy. lol. anyway. So, things aren't actually bad at all. But I still have scared feelings and whatnot about ppl in school. *sigh* :( I know it's not supposed to bother me. I shouldn't let it. But it does :? I checked the other day, and I'm still on his list. why the hell am I still on his freakin msn list? honestly, if u're not gonna talk to someone on msn, and that person isn't gonna talk to u, why not just delete them? Because that means he can still read all my MSN names. But should I use that fact and try to make him feel bad? I sorta do, but I don't want him to. I had a conversation with a friend the other day, and yes, I do still really care about him. I want to know how he's doing. But if I see him, I'm prolly gonna bawl my eyes out. again. I don't wanna face that whole episode again. But, maybe I won't cry. I'll save it for later obviously. But, perhaps I'll be mature enough to have an actual conversation with him. But. agh! I dunno! all these "but"s and "maybe"s and "if"s, that I might not even have to worry about if I don't have classes with him. But without knowing what/how he's doing, I can't stop worrying! jeebus.
We had a customer come into work this morning and he was talking to Toby for like, I dunno, it felt like HOURS, but it was prolly only like 20 minutes. I didn't realy listen to the conversation, but apparently, he's schizophrenic, and he was married for 30 years, but hten some jamaican man came and stole his wife, and he has a 23 year old daughter. I dunno how everythign fits together, since I wasn't really listening. But he was telling Toby all this stuff about life, and love, and commitment and whatnot. ie: make sure it's the right person, wait a few months, 6 if possible, before u try anything at all. or something something. and at some points, it sounded like he was trying to say women are all bad, blahblah, basically what I say about guys. So, is commitment like, battle of the sexes or something? guys treat girls badly, and girls treat boys badly. some hurt so much, that they get back at them. I dunno. it seems that way to me sometimes. why can't everyone just smarten up and be more considerate? Answer: because people will always have different opinions, and are always changing. People grow, and mature. THINGS CHANGE. And life's tough. I dunno where I'm going with this. just random words I'm typing out while I'm avoiding sleep. I feel lonely in a house full of people :( I should've stuck to my inanimate objects. Then I wouldn't know this type of feeling of loneliness.
yeah, I dunno what the point of this blog was. I just didn't know what to do. don't feel like reading other blogs. I don't feel like programming. I don't feel like reading. I don't feel like sleeping. I don't feel like much. I only want .... :cry: The invite was never taken back. But I won't take it this time. I'm gonna survive. somehow, we all get past all the shit that we go through. I haven't a clue how. things seem so difficult while u go thru it, but once u're through with it, u look back, and was like, wow, it was so shitty, and it was so hard, but here I am, able to look back. things arent so bad now.
I dunno, I suppose this post is just a compilation of a bunch of random conversations i've had lately. *shrug* Though there have been some revelations and light has shed on some things, it's just still so hard...to use ur head.
I like this quote. I've been using it alot lately. I can't remember where I found it though:
"If you find yourself going through hell, keep going" - Winston Churchill.
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| "Shame On Me" - Ryan Cabrera |
| 08.20.05 (3:07 pm) [edit] |
hmm, i haven't listened to him (ryan cabrera) in a while. meh. puts me in a diff. mood. none really actually. doesn't really bring me up, or down. anyway.
so, I woke up at like, 5:20am this morning with massive stomach pains :( And I was up since then. Bathroom didn't help. So I just scrunched into a ball with my pillows and comforter and whimpered for an hour while contemplating if I should go to work. I realised that even if I was coughing up my internal organs, I'd have to go to work, cause no one else can open the fucking store on a Saturday morning. So, at 6:18am, I made my way outta my room, whimpering every now and then and moaning an "owwieeeeee" when I wasn't whimpering. I managed to drive to work without getting into an accident. I walked slowly through the store, and at 6:40 (like, 5 min after I got there), I was like, there's no way I can make it through my shift. So I called kraP.rM and asked if he could come in after he was done at PC. But he couldn't make it until noon. So, he told me to call other employees to see if they could come in. I tried not to. Cause honestly, if someone called me at freakin 6:45am, I'd say no. But at 6:50, I could barely stand up straight, so i called the only two ppl that were somewhat available (ie: in the city, and not working later that day). I felt terrible about it, but neither of them really gave me sympathy for being in alotta pain, so fuck it. After trying the second person, I actually let out a tear or two of pain and frustration. And continued on moving slowly throughout the store and getting shit ready for the friggen customers. stupid customers. hmph. anywho. Toby came in 5 min early (I asked him to come in as early as he could, and he makes it only 5 min early *roles eyes*), and Mr Park told me to take it easy and rest in the back when he got in, but, there was stuff to do (dude, why doesn't the boy know how to make the Chiller yet?!?). So I pressed on. And after 2ish hrs of pained expressions and actions (ie: crouching and snuggling close to the wall, lol), the pain started to go away, but I was uncomfortable and really tired and hungry. Park came in, and I left. I hope he and Toby survived :? It wasn't really busy in the morning (thank goodness!) but it might have picked up in the afternoon. I dunno. I'll find out tomorrow.
I came home and napped for 2 hrs. then I ate a whole lot of canteloupe, and then i had a shower. Throughout dinner, I felt like craaap, and while I sit here and type, the stomach pains seem to be coming back slowly...:cry:
wtf?!? a tummy ache should not last an entire day!! I PRAY it's better tomorrow...I felt really bad today about waking the ppl up. And making Toby work with the owner for 2.5 hrs. Or, perhaps, it's the other way around. lol. awww...anyway.
perhaps I'll go to bed EARLY today (like, at 10pm) and everything will be a-ok at 5am and I won't need to call Park to open (he said he could open if I can't make it, and I can come in at 9). ....but I wanna clean my desk area so I can put my sister's desktop comp in here so I can start attempting to fix it...hmm...OOH! I found out that one of my highschool buddies is taking Computer Engineering and he said he could help me upgrade my system! yay!! lol. you gotta love those random reunions, eh? :)
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| blogthings |
| 08.14.05 (4:48 pm) [edit] |
| You Are an Emo Rocker! | 
Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing.
That doesn't mean you don't rock out...
You just rock out with meaning.
For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding. |
| You Are 63% Addicted to Blogthings | 
You lead the pack when it comes to posting Blogthings.
And your friends (mostly) thank you for it.
It's cute that you insist on being called your Japanese name.
Just stop bragging about your IQ score! |
haha, just call me Michiko Masukuto (erm, I'm not sure about that last name...it's on my MSN blog)
You Should Try Bull Riding |
Congrats, you've got the moxie to tame a 2000 lb bull
At least, here's hoping so!
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You Have Fantastic Karma |
![]() =http://www.quizdiva.net/bt/fa...
You are a kind, sensitive, and giving person.
And all your good deeds will pay off - if they haven't already.
But you're not so concerned with what you get in return anyway.
You have an innate caring nature - and nothing can change that! |
Your Life Path Number Is 9 |
9
The keys your Life Path are compassion, generosity, and a very humanitarian attitude.
You are very trustworthy, honorable, and unlikely to harbor any sort of prejudice.
Obviously, this is a rather tall order, but you are, in fact, a person that feels very deeply for individuals less fortunate than yourself.
If you are in a position to help, you certainly will.
You tend to be quite sensitive, as you see the world with much feeling and compassion.
The 9, being the highest of the single digit numbers, holds an elevated position and poses certain responsibilities.
Your purpose of life is of a philosophical nature.
Judges, spiritual leaders, healers and educators frequently have much 9 energy.
Material gains are not overly important to you.
You have a very selfless attitude and will give up of material possessions for the common good.
The desire to help others, especially the troubled or underprivileged, is strong.
You are apt to frequently find yourself being used and let down by others, as your generosity is misused and abused.
Your very deep understanding of life is sometimes manifested in the artistic and literary fields.
Here you may be able to express your deep emotional feelings through painting, writing, music, or other art forms.
Often, however, there if a great deal of difficulty finding a suitable outlet for the your Life Path.
You are usually well suited to the helping and healing professions... but less inclined to the competitive business environment.
You have the ability to make friends very easily, as people are attracted to your magnetic, open personality.
You have a special gift of understanding people, which if used correctly can be of great benefit to others.
Your interest in people tends to make you quite social.
People just naturally like you because you are so sympathetic, tolerant and broad-minded.
In many ways, you are a romantic that can get lost in your loves and passions.
Relationships can be difficult for you, however, because it is hard to strike a balance that will work effectively.
If your partner is one sharing your giving attitudes, the relationship will be happy and lasting.
On the other hand, if you choose a partner whose focus is on material issues, problems will arise quickly.
As do all the life path numbers, the 9 has its negative side, and because of the demanding nature of the truly positive 9, many tend to fail in this category.
It is not uncommon for persons with the 9 life path to fight the realities and challenges of purpose imposed... because selflessness is not an easy trait.
You may have difficulty believing that giving and a lack of personal ambition can be satisfying.
You must accept that little long-term satisfaction and happiness is to be gained by rejecting the natural humanitarian inclinations of your path. |
wow...I bolded a couple things that caught my attention more than others (although, all the others are very accurate as well).
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| Kelly Clarkson |
| 08.13.05 (7:57 pm) [edit] |
*BLEEP* *BLEEP* *BLEEP* *BLEEP*
!!!! :x
I was doing so good with getting over the recent-ish past. And tonight suddenly changed it. I don't know why she had to tell me. I had a feeling that he was going out and whatnot and over "us", but I really didn't wanna know it for a fact. Especially if it involved two different girls on two different nights. Yeah, you should've looked embarassed! You fucking asshole!
"and I know I let you have all the power" - Addicted, Kelly Clarkson <---- and this is why I hate myself for all this shit we've all been through. This is the reason why ANY of this happened. So who am I really mad at? I don't have a fucking clue.>
I hate boys. I hate customers. I hate people. I hate me.
:cry:
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| "Somebody Else's Song" - Lifehouse |
| 08.10.05 (5:14 pm) [edit] |
Dear "avid" blog readers (aka friends),
I would like to take this moment to say thank you to all of those who have put up with me these past few months, I know things have been crazy for not only myself, but for all of you too, and I REALLY appreciate your kind words and encouragement even through your own hectic schedule.
Things have changed, and you have all been very patient and accepting, still. Thanks for that. :)
I hope things can only look up from here. We will all take what we learned and experienced this year, and grow as a better person, hopefully. ;)
Now, please excuse me, as I must go read my punctuation book, and maybe my run-on sentence problem can be fixed (please refer to that first sentence/paragraph for the run-on sentence problem).
I love you all. :D
~Mandy
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| "Into the Sun" - Lifehouse |
| 08.08.05 (4:57 am) [edit] |
I am having a blast now that school is officially out and I can finally enjoy my summer! Well, I've only been "out" once since my final exam on Thursday, but it was a good Friday in the company of Ames. She passed her G, and we celebrated by pigging out at Rainforest Cafe at Yorkdale, but that only happened because we were late for our Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class. lol. And then we met up with Hana in T.O. to see some band no one's ever heard of - Magnolia Electric Co. They're pretty good actaully. Sure, they DO have a bit of a country sound, but all country aside, it was good! I liked that sitar thingy thing. I liked the sound. Very electric and driving. We got home at 3:30am :? And I had to go in to work at 11 for Steph cause she had somewhere to go. And that 11-4 shift was BRUTAL! Oh man...I was SOOOO out of it. lol. I actually left at 3:45 cause Jessica got to work early. lol. OY. And of course, I go home wanting to sleep, and I find a house full of my parent's friends. I managed to sleep through their LOUD talking and mahjong playing (for those who are not familiar with the Chinese game, it is VERY noisy). It was my mom's b-day, so I had to stay up to have cake. It was pretty good though...mm...I can go for some now...hehe....and then I had to go to bed so I could open the store the next day. then another brutally long day with Thomas, which was even longer than my scheduled 9.5 hrs because stupid Tyrone was still sick and asked me to stay til 5pm. GRR. So, 10.5 hrs of working. ugh. and it actually got busy towards the last few hours...boo....lol.
But anyway. Now I'm waiting for Cat to call me so we can hang out at her place to watch MI2 (I haven't seen it yet) and she can tell me all her stories about Winnipeg, starting with their awesome toilets and the pedal. LOL.
I am currently just sitting at my desk with my comforter wrapped around me because I refuse to change out of my comfy PJs (tank top and shorts) until I need to leave the house and the AC is right below my desk. I am comfy, and I have no worries about school work, and I have no new readings that are bringing me emotionally down, and I'm listening to some chill Lifehouse. Life is good. for now. Let's see how long this lasts ;)
I'm half considering getting a new blog for better emoticon things. Anyone know of something that has really good emoticon things? :)
hahaha. I'm so far enjoying my summer except for stupid work. And any mention of a stupid boy. But then I get a kick outta threatening to throw rocks at them. :twisted: But asides from that, I am a-ok at the moment. :D ooh, I actaully looked up some CS stuff in preparation for my attempt of rewriting a spell-checker program I had as an assignment in my first semester Java class. And I was listening to Lifehouse as well, and my sister was doing a crossword in my room. And I had no rushed feeling of getting in the program by a deadline. Man, I was having SUCH a good time. I wish life can always be so carefree. :roll:
Haha, conversation with Cat yesterday
"So what do you have planned for the rest of the summer?" said I.
"heh, there's only one month left!" says Cat.
"I know, but my summer just started!!!!!!" I replied.
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| quick note |
| 08.02.05 (12:23 pm) [edit] |
agh, i'm so stupid!!! I don't wanna elaborate too much because i am supposed to be preparing my note sheet thing that I can take into my exam with me.
but yes. In addition to my craziness that I concluded from my last post, I also conclude that I am also very stupid! agh!!! *slap forehead* What possessed me into thinking that the start of next year will be okay? Well, if "he" actually never told his "buddies" anything, I don't have MUCH to worry about, but I don't trust that he told them nothing, just because I don't really trust anything he said/did anymore. SO. Ugh. Next year is gonna be hell, if that is the case. Maybe I can chop off my ponytail early, and somehow change my appearance, and I can fake a reallly heavy chinese accent, or something. And I can be a totally different person with a different identity. Not the Mandy they knew that went out with their buddy ridiculously soon after his breakup from a 4yr relationship. UGH. I'm such an IDIOT! I can't believe that I believed every word he said. I am so gullible and such a pushover. I should've also been smarter and stronger and NOT succumb to his charm. GRR. I hate this. Stupid cycle of thoughts!
STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID!!! :x
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Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
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