"Broken" - Seether Feat. Amy Lee


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"Broken" - Seether Feat. Amy Lee
06.15.05 (3:11 pm)   [edit]
It must be PMS-depression-phase again. :cry:

You know, I was trying to read, and of course, my short attention span brought my mind elsewhere that wasn't about female circumsicion (SOOO creepy..:?) for my Anthro class.



Anyway. So, I was thinking, that, perhaps, loneliness isn't the worst feeling in the world. I think being used in a "relationship" is even worse. I think it has destroyed me. EVERYTHING that happened, I am now analyzing, and realised, if only I had been more cautious, or rational, and less of a push-over or whatever, I would've seen it so much earlier. And stopped any chance of this ever happening. If only I didn't fear what I had thought was the worst feeling in the world (being lonely). I'm just sitting here, a tear rolling for everything I let him do, thinking that I was okay with it. No. No, it really WASN'T OKAY! I kept saying it was. That I was okay with everything. Even though he knew it wasn't okay, he did it anyway, because I said it. Stupid me. Stupid compassionate me. Honestly, I hate it. But I would hate it if I wasn't; if I was cold and didn't care about other people, I think I would hate myself even more than I already do. Maybe I am just saying this out of PMS depression, or out of "fresh" wounds, but, I really do think his using and cheating on me totally destroyed any chance of a future I could've potentially had with any other person. I trusted him so much...and I trusted every word. He made me think he was different, and special, compared to the typical asshole guy you hear about. But come to think about it, there are many stories of guys who make u think are different than other guys, and in the end, just turns around and hurts you.

"I will never hurt you" said he, one conversation, back in late December
"You can promise someone that you don't want to hurt them; You can promise someone that you will never try to hurt them; But you can never promise that you won't hurt them" was my response.
Perhaps, he was just ignorant to what can and won't hurt a girl. But, if any outside person looked at the situation, and he was thinking straight, anyone would see that there was no possible way for me not to have been hurt by his actinos. How could he not? HOW? *tear* :cry:


I want to be over this. I want to erase everything that happened. A person doesn't deserve this kind of pain to experience happiness. I don't think anyone does. All I did was try to help him thru his unhappiness. I did it in the wrong way, obviously, but, why did he have to do THIS to me. I had done nothing less of trying to make him happy and not to worry about anything. What did I do to deserve this? :cry: Whatever it was, I will try to change; I don't wanna feel like this forever.

And the whole time, the whole fucking time, he was using me. That hurt the most. I think being used is the worst feeling in the world.

 


posted by: newbie (reply)
post date: 06.15.05 (4:04 pm)

I'm sorry this happened to you manz. :(
let me know what i can do to help you through the pain...
;(



posted by: SmilezAlwayz (reply)
post date: 06.15.05 (5:28 pm)

Reply to:
Thanks Ames (I assume it was Ames?)
Actually, what're u up to tomorrow? I have my G test at 2 :S wanna hang out late morning? :) timmy's double chocolate muffins call out to u ;)



posted by: newbie (reply)
post date: 06.15.05 (7:10 pm)

hehe, close but no cigar.
actually... maybe not really close at all... *-)
:D



posted by: newbie (reply)
post date: 06.15.05 (7:10 pm)

g'luck on ur test!



posted by: Manz (reply)
post date: 06.15.05 (7:41 pm)

Reply to:
I can only think of 2 ppl who would call me Manz; Cat??
I didn't think it was Cat cause she normally types blop in her comment SOMEWHERE... hehe :)



posted by: Owner of this tBlog (reply)
post date: 06.15.05 (7:48 pm)

oy, ppl, start putting ur name on comments please! it's right beside the "post it!" button!!! saves me the guess :) hehe



posted by: blop!! (reply)
post date: 06.15.05 (8:12 pm)

mwa ha ha ha ha!
heh. it's more fun this way. :)
unfortunately... it's also a little annoying, eh?
so all those comments were from me... :D



posted by: Mandy (reply)
post date: 06.16.05 (5:25 am)

haha, I figured after a while! Lol. I was analyzing the way ppl combined their words...lol...amy said goodluck on ur exam, and someone else said g'luck on your exam, and then you said something that used ur, and i know u apostrophize (yes, I made up a word, i can't think of the actual word right now) ur phrases. lol. :)

Anyway, thanks Cat :) I should've known anyway, u're my only regular blog reader (and would catch a new post within a couple of hours after posting, lol). :D

Thanks >^.^<
I don't think you can really do anything...I just need to do stuff to get my mind off things. :^) ..hey, u wanna have lunch today? :)



posted by: Lilz (reply)
post date: 06.19.05 (12:42 pm)

Hey Maannddyyy. =) --> =\ Being a trusting and compassionate is both a curse and a blessing. I feel you on when you say that you hate being as trusting as you are because I myself am like that >=| and I kick myself for being that way after anyone somehow takes advantage of it. When it comes to broken trust in rel'ps... it's always difficult to rebuild it within yourself, however, doesn't mean that you should build a wall around yourself and distrust anyone else or any opportunity that may come your way =) Hurt/pain can make us or break us... it depends on how we cope with it, even when it feels unbearable. You can do it Mandy ^_^ stay strong. We are still young, and there's helluva lot more "crap" (bad experiences) out there waitin to bite us in the ass. When it does, don't let it keep you down =)



posted by: Mandy (reply)
post date: 06.21.05 (5:26 pm)

Reply to: Lilz
thanks lilz, u speak wise words. hehe, and yet, still so difficult to do so! you should know! hehe.



posted by: QXZPyKdbNCzSbCry (reply)
post date: 10.11.09 (10:21 am)

awegaw1.txt;2;5

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