I have concluded that....


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I have concluded that....
07.29.05 (1:00 pm)   [edit]
I'm CRAZY!!!

I came home yesterday from work, and I was just in a pissed off mood. kraP.rM scheduled me from Thursday-Wednesday 8-9 hr shifts right before my Thursday night exam, AND he wants me to open on the Friday after my exam at 5:30am! WTF?!?! I told him my exam was in Toronto until 10pm! How inconsiderate can a person be?!? Not only did he not care to give me time to study/prep for my exam, he doesn't care to give me some time to relax after my exam!!! :evil:
Plus, right before I left work, one of our regular customers came in, and was talking to Steph, but I wanted to talk to Steph before I left, so I just stayed around, and half joined in the conversation now and then while I did minimal work (since Steph did NO work at the time :P ). At some point, it got WAYYYY too personal, and just made me mad, cause it just showed how all guys are the freakin same!

So, anyway, I got home, and the second I step through the garage doors, I get this wave of negative energy, that I just wanted to punch/throw/damage something. I just decided to play something really really loud on the piano. *shrug* But then I was just SOOO pissed off by the end of the piece that I just played some random chords (clashed). And I stormed out of the piano room and randomly started yelling like a crazy person. :? You'd honestly think there was something I was venting to, but nope, empty house! So I went upstairs, screamed a bit, yelled at myself to take a shower and calm down. So I had a shower, but throughout the shower, I was still yelling at/scolding myself, and then I was thinking about why I was so pissed off, and I directed my pissed-off-ness towards STUPID BOYS!!! THEY'RE SO STUPID! JUST THROW ROCKS AT THEM! SERIOUSLY! AGH! That had been my phrase for this past week or two...haha. honestly though. AGH! My MSN name right now: I should start an invaluable rock collection. The people I talk to most often would know what I'm talking about, but the others MIGHT, but maybe not. They most likely think I'm some weirdo.

I remembered one time in second semester where I was just SUPER happy, and I couldn't contain myself! No one was at the apartment, and I was just skipping around, and I just had so much positive energy I didn't know what to do with it! Anyway, so I was thinking today, how extreme I get sometimes. :? Like, wtf?! I swear, if it's possible to have a mild case of bipolar disorder, I have it. :shock: oy.

But, going back to last semester, when I was called "depressed" by someone I currently want to throw a rock at, I don't think I was or am. I think I'm just really bitter about alotta things. *shrug* I'm starting to understand that things are the way they are just purely because of human nature (no duh), and there's no way to change the way things are, because it's not possible. People will always be jerks, will always be selfish, will always be inconsiderate, will always be assholes, and will always stupid!! Not necessarily am I talking about the male species (although, it is more directed towards them than anyone else), but the females too. PEOPLE are like that. And I am those as well (not ALL the time...but it happens...u know...shit happens...*shrug*).
People can always keep trying to make things better, but there will ALWAYS be people standing by to shoot them down. The forces of the selfish assholes are always stronger and greater, because more selfish people are formed when they learn that they need to protect themselves in the game of life.

I still need to do that post about nature/nurture that...I dunno, parallels? ...with music....mm...soon...hopefully...lol

------------------------- -----------------------
Bits and pieces of "Take Me" by Papa Roach

Take me and let me in
So take me and let me in
Don't break me and shut me out
I lit my pain on fire
And I watched it all burn down
Now I'm dancing in the ashes
And theres no one else around
Cause I wanna be apart of something
This is just a story of a broken soul
As days go by, my heart grows cold
I can't seem to let this all pass me by
Don't shut me out
Does anyone around me feel the same
Put your fist up and vent your pain
Take Me
Don't Break Me
 


posted by: daughtsy (reply)
post date: 07.30.05 (11:50 am)

awww....muM don't be soooo mda at everything....life's tuff and you just gatta take it and move on....don't dwell too much on things that happened in the past...especially negative ones....there's no perfect life and we all gatta experience things that'll make us mad or angry that we'd wanna kill people but it's ok. in the the end it'll all be better. as for work i guess you let parky step over you too many times that he doesn't think you mind. i think it's about time you let him know what you think. for people at work....bah! work's always ganna be work. so just relax and enjoy the ride. don't stress over little things cause i'm sure there are bigger things that you're ganna encounter in life that'll need more attention so let your troubles now be a lesson. just don't think about them too much cause really the past is past and there's nothing else you can do about it.



posted by: Mumsy (reply)
post date: 07.30.05 (4:50 pm)

Reply to: daughtsy
yesyes, I know theoretically, the common sensical thing to do is to not sweat the small stuff, but, I cannot seem to do that. Random things creep into my head, and just bothers me. And I can't seem to help it. I don't like dwelling, but, I just find myself thinking about the past, and I can't seem to stop. *sigh*.
You know what's funny? at work today, I was telling TOby how I have alotta random stupid coffee knowledge, and he's like, haha, u're going to run outta RAM soon. It was FUNNNYYYY...hehe. ANYWAY. So, perhaps, since I have such little RAM, it's easier to "reload" the old stuff, than to intake new stuff. 8-| haha. yiiikes...I need to get out more. ...how about a game of chess, some rollerblading, and cookie making soon!!??



posted by: racecar (reply)
post date: 07.31.05 (8:53 am)

hey i definitely know how you feel about just being ridiculously frustrated with everything and you can't get rid of that feeling as hard as you try. i was going to write something but then i realised it might be too angry and depressing to write... there are good people in the world and the thing is you have to find the ones that are good for you.



posted by: manager (reply)
post date: 07.31.05 (10:50 am)

Reply to: racecar
racecar! you still read my blog? hehe, u know, i really like that nickname, it's cool! hehe :)
hah, feel free to express more angry/depressed stuff. Perhaps u can help shed light on...whatever can get better.
I try to express my thoughts in pieces. Cause otherwise, it gets waaaay too long. :^) And many pieces (especially of late) has been somewhat angry/depressing. And it's unfortunately only halfway to the core...oh well. *shrug*



posted by: blop (reply)
post date: 08.02.05 (7:51 am)

Reply to: manager

hana's name reminds me of a song i know that doesn't make any sense.
you've heard it:
"if u want me try to take me, on the inside, just like a racecar.
cut the corners if you'd like to, take me away.
i want to but i can't let go."
:)



posted by: manz (reply)
post date: 08.02.05 (11:46 am)

Reply to: blop
hehe, I know that song! um...name starts with an H? ...



posted by: manz (reply)
post date: 08.02.05 (11:47 am)

Reply to: manz
oh, i mean the artist of the song...but it's not Hana!! hehe



posted by: blop (reply)
post date: 08.03.05 (11:48 am)

Reply to: manz

heh, i understood.
Hawk Nelson
good memory!



posted by: Manz (reply)
post date: 08.03.05 (12:03 pm)

Reply to: blop
there we go! I always wanna say Hawksley Workman or whatever the dude's name is. haha.



posted by: moi (reply)
post date: 08.04.05 (7:43 am)

Reply to: Manz

oh yeah.
i never realized that those were kinda almost not really similar!

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