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| "Get Away" - Avant |
| 08.21.05 (5:18 pm) [edit] |
In London. bleh. weather's nice. house isn't bad. just needs cleaning and air freshening. And I need to figure out what to do with my furniture. oy. I dunno what I should do about where to put stuff! The amount of furniture and the amount of space is kinda difficult. especially with my constraints about where I don't want certain things. oy. lol. anyway. So, things aren't actually bad at all. But I still have scared feelings and whatnot about ppl in school. *sigh* :( I know it's not supposed to bother me. I shouldn't let it. But it does :? I checked the other day, and I'm still on his list. why the hell am I still on his freakin msn list? honestly, if u're not gonna talk to someone on msn, and that person isn't gonna talk to u, why not just delete them? Because that means he can still read all my MSN names. But should I use that fact and try to make him feel bad? I sorta do, but I don't want him to. I had a conversation with a friend the other day, and yes, I do still really care about him. I want to know how he's doing. But if I see him, I'm prolly gonna bawl my eyes out. again. I don't wanna face that whole episode again. But, maybe I won't cry. I'll save it for later obviously. But, perhaps I'll be mature enough to have an actual conversation with him. But. agh! I dunno! all these "but"s and "maybe"s and "if"s, that I might not even have to worry about if I don't have classes with him. But without knowing what/how he's doing, I can't stop worrying! jeebus.
We had a customer come into work this morning and he was talking to Toby for like, I dunno, it felt like HOURS, but it was prolly only like 20 minutes. I didn't realy listen to the conversation, but apparently, he's schizophrenic, and he was married for 30 years, but hten some jamaican man came and stole his wife, and he has a 23 year old daughter. I dunno how everythign fits together, since I wasn't really listening. But he was telling Toby all this stuff about life, and love, and commitment and whatnot. ie: make sure it's the right person, wait a few months, 6 if possible, before u try anything at all. or something something. and at some points, it sounded like he was trying to say women are all bad, blahblah, basically what I say about guys. So, is commitment like, battle of the sexes or something? guys treat girls badly, and girls treat boys badly. some hurt so much, that they get back at them. I dunno. it seems that way to me sometimes. why can't everyone just smarten up and be more considerate? Answer: because people will always have different opinions, and are always changing. People grow, and mature. THINGS CHANGE. And life's tough. I dunno where I'm going with this. just random words I'm typing out while I'm avoiding sleep. I feel lonely in a house full of people :( I should've stuck to my inanimate objects. Then I wouldn't know this type of feeling of loneliness.
yeah, I dunno what the point of this blog was. I just didn't know what to do. don't feel like reading other blogs. I don't feel like programming. I don't feel like reading. I don't feel like sleeping. I don't feel like much. I only want .... :cry: The invite was never taken back. But I won't take it this time. I'm gonna survive. somehow, we all get past all the shit that we go through. I haven't a clue how. things seem so difficult while u go thru it, but once u're through with it, u look back, and was like, wow, it was so shitty, and it was so hard, but here I am, able to look back. things arent so bad now.
I dunno, I suppose this post is just a compilation of a bunch of random conversations i've had lately. *shrug* Though there have been some revelations and light has shed on some things, it's just still so hard...to use ur head.
I like this quote. I've been using it alot lately. I can't remember where I found it though:
"If you find yourself going through hell, keep going" - Winston Churchill.
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posted by: racecar (reply)
post date: 08.22.05 (2:51 pm)
keep going mandy.. you'll get through it. I promise, otherwise you can kick my ass.
posted by: Mandy (reply)
post date: 08.23.05 (12:28 am)
hehe, thanks, racecar. :) It's such a long process though. But hey, Dana made it thru her crisis, so this should be no sweat. lol.
posted by: newbie (reply)
post date: 08.23.05 (7:00 pm)
im glad u can put things into a real perspective...ur getting stronger and wiser...pimp it
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