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| "Sick Cycle Carousel" - Lifehouse |
| 09.04.05 (6:16 pm) [edit] |
oops, seems to have been a while since I've blogged. I've been busy in London: painting, cleaning, setting things up, shopping for some necessary things, seeing people. Good times so far, except for my phone conversation with the landlords. I don't like them. They were bitching about how they've never had so many complaints from one house before, and blahblahblah. I didn't even wanna be on the phone any longer, so when he asked if there was anything else, I was like, yeah, but I think we'll just do it ourselves. And he asked again if he could do anything else, and I'm like, no, we'll do it ourself. So now i'm gonna have to go find a steam cleaner to rent and move EVERYTHING to clean the disgustingly repulsing carpets in this basements. Perhaps all the other people don't complain because they don't care about cleanliness. I'm sorry, but honestly, seeing over 1cm of dust on the carpets along the walls is ABSOLUTELY disgusting! The people that lived here before us did not ever pick up a finger to clean the place, seriously! cobwebs EVERYWHERE, ALOT of dust on the floors, SOILED refridgerator. UGH! SOO gross. I don't know how those people lived there. Like, a week of cleaning and air freshening and the place still has this gross smell to it, and I still refuse to walk barefoot in this house, ESPECIALLY on the carpets. I don't even feel comfortable breathing through my mouth. UGH. DISGUSTING! So the second landlord I spoke to told us that he thinks we have a chronic complaining disorder or something, and I'm thinking, wtf? This is the first time I called! Why am I getting all this shit?!? So I was superly angered by that phone call, and when I'm really angry, I get upset, and I cry. :x I got to the point where I punched the wall without thinking when I went downstairs. GRRR. I'm thinking it's plaster or something, cause my ring didn't dent the wall at all, which I thought about afterwards. GRRRR!!!!!!!!! SOO upset with the landlords. Like, my first complaint was about running water from the toilets, and then they launch into that spiel about our endless complaints. Supposedly they didn't see anything wrong with the bathroom floors upstairs, but they told some plumber just to change the entire flooring to shut us up. WTF?!? :evil: I was SOO pissed. GRRRRRRRRRR
Anyway. asides from that, it's been alright so far in London. I'm still really scared for the first day of classes. *sigh* While at Jack's last night, I was upstairs chatting with Dana, Herman, and Kay, and in our silent moments, I kept looking around, and I was wondering, if I saw M---, what I would do. Would I freak out and run outta there? Would I walk over there and talk to him like a normal person? Would I walk over there and be in tears or something? Would I walk over there and punch him? Would I pretend I didn't see him and pray he doesn't see me? Would I pretend I didn't see him but try to make him noticce me? Would I care? Would I cry if he was with someone else? What would happen?!? I was thinking about it, and for a moment, I thought I'd go talk to him and tell him how much I missed him and wished I didn't end it like that. And then I'm like, why the hell would I do that? I dunno. I still dunno how I'm gonna react when/if I see him. *sigh* :( I'm scared of how I'm gonna react. I need to decide now, and stand by it. "Will I be happier? No". I'm just scared he's gonna bring shit up, and I'm gonna get upset and cry. :? Why haven't I learned to control my emotions yet? *sigh* You'd think by this point in my life, I would've. But nope, I guess I am a slow learner. I want to pretend who I was a year ago. And start again. And redo my entire 20th year. Okay, the first 1/3 of my 20th year. But until I can figure out how to go back in time, I can't. I need to be thick skinned, and move on. That is what someone has shown me. I must learn. Let's see how long it takes me to catch on. :roll: I dunno.
Anyway. I don't really have much to say right now. Except that I wish my room was more clean and more liveable and had more breathable air. I currently have spiderwebs and dead bugs outside my window, along with a stolen McDonald's advertisement for $3.99 deli sandwiches. So I refuse to open my window to get "fresh" air. I hope the dehumidifier I had to purchase myself today helps with the air down here. It's draining to try to be "socialable". I just wanna hermit in my room and do nothing and not deal with people. I should just take all my courses online. Lol. So won't happen though. It'd be nice. 80% in summer distance course proves that I have enough discipline to do the work on my own! :wink:
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posted by: daughtsy (reply)
post date: 09.05.05 (7:23 pm)
reading your blog made me angry....i mean the nerve of your landlord to rant like that sayin you have chronic complainin problems....you just have chronic cleanin problems but certainly not complainin! muM, stickittothaman! also. your blog made me sad knowin you're goin through all those emotions =( sorry to hear them but i know you'll do fine. it's the kind of stuff only time can answer but in the mean time you should just hang in there and focus. it'll all be over soon and you'll be home free! haha =D hope you're doin fine cleanin up and stuff and try not to let things get to you cause it'll only stress you out even more. i'm here when you need me....errmmm you know how to get a hold of me =D
posted by: SmilezAlwayz (reply)
post date: 09.05.05 (8:25 pm)
haha, definately not by MSN! :P You suck!!! Or, I can change my MSN name to get ur attention, and just sign out and in again, haha.
posted by: Char (reply)
post date: 09.07.05 (8:39 am)
*HUGS* You'll be all right!!!
posted by: newbie (reply)
post date: 09.10.05 (5:41 am)
Reply to: SmilezAlwayz
errmmmm you can do that....that's if i'm actually online haha
posted by: daughtsy (reply)
post date: 09.10.05 (5:41 am)
oh that was me i wasn't a newbie :D
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