"Addicted" - Kelly Clarkson


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"Addicted" - Kelly Clarkson
09.13.05 (7:27 pm)   [edit]
Why on Earth am I still in this stupid cycle? I found out on the second day of classes that the class I was super psyched to take was ruined by m--- being in my class. I was superly pissed off and angry and I was ready to punch something at the end of class (actually, I did punch the wall when I walked outta the room). And I was just really upset for most of the weekend, even though it was a pretty good weekend anyway, cause Logan came for the weekend to celebrate Amy's bday and to check out Kat's Don room and my ghetto closet. So, actually, asides from him being in my class at the back of my mind for most of the time, I had a pretty good weekend. My parents came down on Sunday though to deliver some couches (yay, our basement is more liveable! although, Evan was down there for most of the time just watching tv. lol) and asides from the usual superly annoying arguments and whatnot that we have, dinner was good. We had all-u-can eat jap food. mmm...going back on THrusday for Nach's bday. hehe

anyway. So, Monday rolled around and I saw m--- in my AI class, another class I was quite anticipating to begin and learn in. Maybe it was the increased number of people separating him and I in class, or I was just starting to get used to it or something, but i wasn't mad or antyhing in class. just uncomfortable.

Today, in class, he came in and gave me my linalg textbooks from last year, and sat down in the same place he sat last class (2 seats from me) and after taking his headphones out, said he's gonna drop AI, and asked if I was gonna stay with it, and I nodded. That ended our "conversation". In the several minutes before class started, we both just sat there and said nothing. But I'm sure he was itching to talk to me. I could feel it. lol. But I looked in the opposite direction of him.

Now that I realise I won't see him as often, I'm back to being sad. Why on Earth am I so indecisive?!?!?? I really wanna talk to him now. Someone, quick, tell me why I'm so pissed off again? I'm afraid I'm gonna forget. :( and then I'll talk to him. and he'll think everything's okay. but I don't think it is. but perhaps it is getting better. finally. honestly, it's like the beginning of our "friendship" when he tried to make smalltalk and I barely responded, and I couldn't make eye contact, and could barely even look at him. It's like that now. but I actaully know him. I know more than I want. But there's things I don't know and I want to know. but asides from Ivey, all the other questions would probably lead into something that I'd rather not talk about. Well, I would, maybe I would finally be able to stop thinking about it. but, perhaps it will just launch another waterfall. I don't know. *sigh* BEJEEBUS! Someone just flatten me into an old vinyl record and spin me on an oldschool recordplayer. I'd be too broken to make much sound. and if I did, it'd be the same old sound. *sigh* :cry:

On a good note, I am very proud of myself that I got my laptop set up so that I can retreive files from it on my desktop! :D And I got MSN 7.0! I LOVE the nudging! and the silly face wink! OMG! AND TURT!!! OMG!!!!!!!!! HE'S THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!!! hehe
 


posted by: Char (reply)
post date: 09.15.05 (3:29 am)

Hey Mandy...aww THAT whole situation doesn't sound so bad now that I read about it from here. It seemed a lot MORE serious when you told me on msn. Anyway, if he seems to want to talk to you then he definitely realized what an ass he's been in hurting you and he wants no grudge whatsoever between you two. That's a good sign! -hug- Don't worry it'll be ok. Just concentrate on your classes. AI..artificial intelligence??? Punch me if I'm wrong but how would I know what you're taking? Even if you told me some, chances are I've forgotten. Lol. This is going to be a long-ass comment but I just really want to say this...I've gone through this with my first bf and it came to a point where I was too stubborn to let go of my feelings. But that's not a bad thing nor a sin either. I mean, you or nobody else can stop you from what you feel. If you believe strongly about your feelings, hell continue with it. But keep it in your best interest. You still care for him, then even if it hurts you can try speaking to him in a civil manner cause in the end it'll make you feel better than NOT talking to him (and just wondering what he's thinking/doing/seeing him all the time). Instead of running away, why not repair the damage even if it is his fault? That's it for now. Check back for more Dr. Char updates! =) You know I'm here for ya!!!



posted by: daughtsy (reply)
post date: 09.15.05 (1:53 pm)

hi muM....i'm afraid as much as i want you to just ignore m--- i think it's better you talk to it like it existed. it's like you kinda really have to talk to it. but don't show any weakness. just know the past and that should keep you at a distance. BUT honestly i think you should just focus on school. this is your last year and i'm pretty sure you'd want a really high gpa so just be a gerdy neek/neeky gerd and bookworm it! don't get frustrated over things that really won't matter to you in a few years. study study cause right now that's all that matters. =D



posted by: daughtsy (reply)
post date: 09.15.05 (1:53 pm)

...and i thought we've established that it's toht not turt hahaha...i'm gay i'll go now =D



posted by: SmilezAlwayz (reply)
post date: 09.15.05 (8:51 pm)

Reply to: daughtsy
right...toht....that'll take me a while to get used to :)

I like how used "it" throughout that entire comment ;)



posted by: SmilezAlwayz (reply)
post date: 09.15.05 (8:54 pm)

Reply to: Char
that's Charisse :) though that makes total logical sense, let's see how human emotions play out. hah, it's like in AI (yes, you got that right), our prof was saying how even though we tend to think logically sometimes, we rarely go with that thought because it's usually at some extreme, either yes or no, nothing in between. but for most ppl, we mix in human emotions (rarely logical) and then we just kinda get by and "muddle along" as he put it. lol. It was funny, cause m--- was in that class too. hah



posted by: SmilezAlwayz (reply)
post date: 09.16.05 (6:27 pm)

Reply to: SmilezAlwayz
oops, in that first phrase, i meant:
"That's it, Charisse."

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