interesting thing I thought of yesterday


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interesting thing I thought of yesterday
10.18.05 (2:32 pm)   [edit]
you know. before that whole thing that disrupted my life earlier this year, maybe I never felt before. i was randomly walking around my room yesterday (I think i got up to do something, but forgot what, or came back to my room and didn't rememebr what i was gonna do...i do that often), and I guess I was just thinking about people. And how I feel about them. Lately, I had felt more "love" (or even just a sense that they care) from people, and I don't know if it's just randomly all happening at the same time, or I'm just starting to see it now. I think after what happened, and though I don't know if it was genuine care/love, at the time, I felt it genuinely. I learned what it was. And now I'm starting to see it around me. It brings tears just to think that I had lived 20 years not knowing or feeling what love ever was. And sadly, feeling the pain/hurt that often comes from love (ie: relationship that's not just a regular friendship). But it was that phase in my life that has brought me to someone who can feel.

It's a nice feeling. But right now, I can only afford to share my love to my current friends. Family is just too big of a stepping stone. And the remaining category of relationships with humans that I can think of right now - well, even though it is what has brought me to my current state, it is what has brought me to my current state. I've been questioning many things lately. I think I'm starting to become a real person. With real contemplations about life. But I'm not quite ready to share any of them with people I know right now. I do apologise.

Now back to academic contemplations.
 


posted by: daughtsy (reply)
post date: 10.18.05 (5:25 pm)

awwww....that was deep muM....but i guess you can feel love in many different ways....also in ways you perceive it as....i donno but i think so far real love comes from family and close friends....none of that relationship bullshit! buttt i do love you! hahaha in a friendly manner you gay ass....or "gas" lol but yeah in the short time that i've known you errmmmm is 5 or 6 years short? or is that long? well anyway in the time that i've known you you taught me how to care about even the littlest things around me.....honestly when summer started i barely cared about anything....not even at home or at work or anywhere else....i guess i was too self absorbed (and i think i still am) but not so much now....you taught me how to observe the minutest things ever! lol and for that i thank you cause if it weren't for you i guess my room would still be one big pile of mess....well....more of a mess than it is now....and i'd prolly not do anything at work so all the stuff would be disgustingly dirty....anyway, just keep on smilin and things will get better....and stop punching things and taping your fridge door shut and swearing and grinding your teeth hahaha....toodles noodles we'll talk laterrrrr or perhaps after midterms =S



posted by: SmilezAlwayz (reply)
post date: 10.19.05 (4:14 pm)

Reply to: daughtsy
awww *tear*
I love my daughtsy too :)
So, I DID teach you something! haha. That contradicts a previous comment you made :P

*hugz*



posted by: Char (reply)
post date: 10.21.05 (4:50 am)

hey man that's life for you. i wrote a comment like that in stephy's friendster blog (which i cant comment on anymore for some reason! well on any blog on the site) you learn new things even after the hurt and the pain. its because youve gone through something and you have it to compare with whats currently going on in your life. and its a good thing that that makes you think as long as you dont think TOO much about it negatively. take it as a good thing thats making you realize the good things youve missed in your life. (wow i feel like Dr. Phil) the 'love' you may or may not have felt with that dude will remain unknown until you meet other people and become involve in other relationships cause again you can compare whom you really felt for and the intensity of your feelings. you'll know in time my dear...just have fun!



posted by: Char (reply)
post date: 10.21.05 (4:53 am)

aww i just read stephys comment..um can i join your group hug too? -sniff' I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO!!! wahhH!!! (i hang out with Rachel too much)
anyway, you tape your fridge doors? is that so you dont keep eating when youre sad or what? because you know how i just eat no matter what--i should do that too!!!



posted by: SmilezAlwayz (reply)
post date: 10.21.05 (9:36 am)

Reply to: Char
hahaha, yeah, i taped it cause it was overstuffed and it wouldn't stay shut on its own. and i didn't have time to reorganise everythign, so i just taped its hut. lol

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