"Figure.09" - Linkin Park


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"Figure.09" - Linkin Park
02.06.06 (7:11 pm)   [edit]

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts
and
the pain attached to them
sometimes I wonder why this is happening
it's like nothing I can do
will distract me when I think of how I shot myself in the back again
'cause from the infinite words I could say /I
put all the pain you gave to me on display/but didn't realise/instead of setting it free/I
took what I hated and made it a part of me

[it never goes away]

Hearing your name/the memories
come back again

I remember when it started happening
I'd see you in every thought I had and then
the thoughts slowly found words attached to them
and I knew as they escaped away I was
commiting myself to them/and every day I
regret saying those things
/'cause now
I see/that I
took what I hated and made it a part of me

[it never goes away]

and now
you've become a part of me
you'll always be right here
you've become a part of me
you'll always be my fear
I can't separate myself from what I've done
I've given up a part of me
I've let myself become you

Get away from
Me
Gimme my space back/you gotta just
Go
everything comes down to memories of
you

I've kept it in but now I'm letting you
know
I've let you go
get away from me

I've let myself become you
I've let myself become lost inside these thoughts of you
giving up a part of me
I've let myself become you

------------------------- ------------------------- --------------------

Things that came to mind on the walk home. Honesty (re: me losing 10 more marks on my math midterm cause I'm an honest person). Trust (or lack thereof). Hate. Disgust. Dead inside. Fear. Untrustworthy people. Hate. Sick. Stupid boys. Selfishness. sadness.

Until I can completely stop seeing/hearing what's-his-effing-face, I'm not ever gonna get over this. But either way, I've been scarred for life. I'll never be the same trusting person again. Never. It pains me to realise this.

I made two points in the last 3 days. Drinking and Driving is BAD, and I will not sit in a car if the driver has had even a drop of alcohol. This world needs more honest and less selfish people.

People must think I'm crazy (okay, I know they do) and super moody. Or just two complete people.  My math study buddies (yes, i have 2 now! lol) and I all get along fine when we're studying. but when we're not studying for anything, I find that I just don't talk to them much, at all, unless they ask me something.  Or maybe I'm just in that PMS stage right now. I could be. Cause I am finding myself falling into that dark moody side again, as you've probably noticed from the above mentioned stuff in this post.  Also, with the newer study buddy, I have great MSN convos with him, but outside of MSN, it's as if I don't talk to him (well, post-midterm anyway). Like today, I just walked away from both of them after math without saying anything. Undecided  yeah...I'm moody, I won't deny it.

I'm probably a difficult person to figure out, eh? oops. oh well. Ppl don't need to know what I'm thinking.  It's generally not important.

 


posted by: Cat (reply)
post date: 02.07.06 (8:27 am)

i would be (and have been) in a car with a person who has had alcohol.
clarification: i think driving when you're impaired is ridiculous and inconsiderate.
but by 'impaired' i mean through anything, whether it be alcohol, medication, rage (haha) or whatever.
but as far as alcohol goes.
for me, it depends a LOT on the situation.
i personally wouldn't drive after having alcohol b/c i don't know enough about how alcohol affects me... and anyways, i don't think alcohol is important enough warrant the risk.
but say, if my dad had a glass of wine with dinner and wants to go for a drive after dinner is over, i'd gladly tag along.
cuz of his gender and size and age. plus the fact that he's my dad and i trust him, and his judgement...
and i trust those things in him based on past experiences.
haha, "the experience of my life" :)

ever think about that? how we haven't lived a day in our lives without our siblings?
sometimes ppl ask me, 'what's it like to have a brother?'
my response is, "what's it like NOT to have a brother?"
it's the only thing i've known.

anyways, now that i've written a novel... it's time for class to start.
:)
tty soon!



posted by: SmilezAlwayz (reply)
post date: 02.08.06 (6:58 am)

okay, if we're talking about dads, then I would sit in my dad's car if he's had a tiny bit to drink. i've done it too. but now that I can drive,i'd rather drive instead of have him drive.

heh, I don't communicate TOO much wtih my sister, so I don't know if I'd notice much of a difference if she were to move to another country or something. :^)



posted by: nailliL (reply)
post date: 02.08.06 (8:54 am)

Hmmm... so what if you are moody? You don't HAVE to be nice when you don't feel like being nice. It becomes even more frustrating when you put on a smile when you just feeling like being pouty from the inside out. =) I know what you mean though, it's an observation that you've made of yourself as of late (...right?) . It IS annoying that I find my moods ranging from moody to depressed, and I simply don't bother having small talk with my nursing class mates. And when I do chat up some small talk, i find myself behaving as if I don't care about what the person is saying, even though i want to, because I used to.

Don't worrie Mandy, you're not crazy! LOL. Diagnosis: moody --> nothing wrong with that. Better to act what you feel than what you're not feeling! Ehehe. That was super geeky of me.

I'm sure that one day you'll be able to trust again, Mandy. It'll take the right person to, though, and a really good person might I add. Not some sweet-talking jackarse that'll make you feel low.

Hang in there Mandy..!



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