I need out. Out of this cycle. Out of my old memories. Out of the past that I want to forget.

On the "plus" side, at least I'm not thinking about all the bad stuff, and feeling all the hatred and everything that sprung from it.  But thinking about the "good" times we had isn't good either - it just makes me want someone "for myself" - which I know that I am totally not ready for, perhaps not even ever in my life time. It's just not one of my characteristics - to share myself with another person. I can be independent - I AM independent. somewhat. lol.  And I want to keep it that way .... it'd just be alot easier if I didn't have sporadic "feelings" that make me think otherwise. bleh. Why does being human have such annoyances tied to it?  Can't I just BE a computer? Execute instructions as programmed into me? Even Artificial Intelligence isn't real thinking - it is just a set of instructions that are executed, based on a HUGE set of rules that are made up for the robot/computer.


That was random ...