I love Linkin Park.  Their lyrics hit home sometimes, and it's weird, because I don't think I'm like that, and yet I am.  It's like another side of me that even I'm not very aware of myself.  It's the side I try to express more on my other blog actually. Don't ask me about it, and don't try to find it.

While I was at my Math help session thing the other day, our TA was like, all your life, you thought you knew how to count, and we hit you with this stuff, and you find out you can't count at all. I thought I should throw that out there.

I have yet to begin my Computer Science assignments due monday and tuesday...I need to get at least my logic assignment out of the way today...I want to really start my programming one though...cause seriously....it's gonna take a shitload of time.  I think I'm gonna need to scotch guard my room (and the whole apartment) when I start my programming htough..I need to prep for some wall punching...oy...

I will be done with a majority of the assignments and midterms by mid-late November...I can't wait...and then Finals will roll around...ugh...

OOH! I got a Bursary from the school, and come January, I'll only have to pay less than $200 for the remaining portion of my tuition fee ;) sweetness! but I'm still gonna be poor because I still need to pay rent and food and living expenses in general. but I was granted 201 hrs of workstudy, so I can try to get some work around campus...but I dunno if I have time to even apply...cause it's like applying to actual work in the real world. oy. anyway.


--------"By Myself"-Linkin Park--------

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride/from these bad dreams
and give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
do I sit here and try to stand it?
or do I try to catch them red-handed?
do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt agan
By myself[myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself

I can't hold on
[to what I want when I'm stretched so thing]
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
[to anything watching everything spin]
with thoughts of failure sinking in

If I turn my back I'm defenseless
and to go blindly seems senseless
if I hide my pride and let it all go on then they'll
take from me till everything is gone
if I let them go I'll be outdone
but if I try to catch them I'll be outrun
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer
then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer
[by myself]

How do you think I've lost so much
I'm so afraid I'm out of touch
how do you expect I will know what to do
when all I know is what you tell me to

don't you know I can't tell you how to make it go
no matter what I do, how hard I try
I can't seem to convince myself why
I'm stuck on the outside

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