Wow. So much has happened these past few days. I know it shouldn't be bothering me as much as it should. But, I'm a caring person, and to see someone's life fall apart, it hurts. I know it's not my fault. I know I don't have anything to do with the situation he's in, because he realises that he should've done something about it last year when he felt him and his fiance growing apart. But, I still feel a bit responsible.
I only met Mike like, 2ish weeks ago. Two weeks and 3 days to be exact. In Comp Sci class, he offered me help for the upcoming assn't that was due, and I took him up on the offer and added him to my MSN. We talked frequently, and he already knows me more than most people. Less than 3 weeks, and we're developed strong feelings for each other. But I knew he had a girlfriend, so I just tried to hide whatever feelings I had for him. He came over a couple of times to study for our two CS's, and I went over to his place once and met his girlfriend. I didn't realise they had already talked about ... stuff ... I tried to mask it, but I couldn't get the thought out of my mind. Then, on Wednesday night, we started talking a bit again. And, he asked me something, and I gave him the honest answer. I felt uncomfortable that I was so comfortable with him when I knew he had a girlfriend. Then, that is when all this mess started. He told me that he had to talk to me before he left for the Bahamas for the break. Something had been on his mind for months, and he had to talk about it in person. I was studying (or trying to) for Sociology, cause my exam was the next night, but I couldn't just have the conversation leave off like that, so I asked him to come over.
He informed me that he was actually supposed to get married in 8 months. The date/place were all planned, invites were sent. But, he just didn't feel right about the marriage. He had felt that way for about a year and a half. But then he met me, and he realised that he wanted to be with me alot more than with his fiancee. He told me that he had thoroughly thought it through. He waited for that initial period of..um...impression?...to wear off. Maybe it was just a physical attraction, and there wasn't anything else. But as the days went by, he knew that it wasn't that. He liked me for my personality, and he tried to think of things he didn't like about me, and he came up with one thing: my environmental friendliness.
He told me, that, he had already talked to his fiancee about not wanting to get married. He tried to hint about it previously, but he just made it more clear this time. She felt that they were becoming distant, and said that she didn't want to get married if he wasn't 100%. So she told him to go find out. So he came here to find out what I thought. He even gave me a picture of what could/would happen if we started something. But his picture involved moving around alot. He wants to travel. And he wants to take me with him. I didn't know what to say. I still felt responsible for him and his gf's situation, but I knew it's not. He asked for a hug by the end of the night, and I okayed it. he tried to get a hug while we were still talking, but I wasn't comfortable with the idea of it yet. He still had a girlfriend - fiancee. But when he was at the door about to leave, we hugged, and so many emotions rushed through me. I wanted to hold on, but I knew I had to let go, I wanted to cry. I was so sad.
I talked to two of my roomates afterwards (this is at 3am). And they told me to tell him to sort out his thing with his gf first, and then we'll see how things go from there.
Then, the next day, so yesterday, I msged him early afternoon asking if I could talk to him after my exam that night.
Kay had invited him over (thru my msn) for cake (my bday coming up on Monday). So I didn't even call him or msg him personally to ask him to come over to talk. I would've though.
So he came over, and after cake and stuff, we were in my room talking. He told me that he officially broke it off with his fiancee the previous night. The engagement was called off. She said that she still wanted to try to make it work. A trial separation is what she suggested. And so, what he wanted to know, is where I stood. Should he try seeing how things can go withus? or just leave it? He ensured me that if things worked out, that he would take care of me. I just had to be with him, right next to him. Therefore, I'd have to travel with him. But, he'd be travelling by next year most likely. He has big plans, and I don't want to get in the way of any of them. But I really want to be with him. He makes me happy, and we have fun together. Even Kay noticed that I was laughing alot more.
We discussed several other factors, and now he knows where I'm coming from when I react the way I do to things he does/says. I'm scared of alot of things, but I want to try this out. I feel like he would do anything he could to make it ..not scary...Well, he said it too basically. But. Hypothetically, what if it worked? What happens when he decides to leave? Would I be able to go with him? I don't know. Maybe that is just a risk I will have to take and play it by ear. I don't know.
When he left, we had already shared several more hugs, and each one, I didn't want to let him go. But I still had his gf in the back of my mind.
After an hour after he left, he called. He told me his gf didn't want to go through with the trial period. She just ended it completely. She left him. He tried to call her parent's house, but they wouldn't let him talk to her, and none of them would listen to him. He called his parents, and his mom just wanted him to leave London. But he asked to stay until the end of the next term. So he will. But now, he has to find a new place to live as well. I don't know what to do, what to think. I feel terrible. I want to help, but I don't know how to without making the situation worse.
I just don't know what to do. I'm confused. Here I am, turning only 20 in 3 days, with this decision to make. It would change my life, it would change his. I think, I need to ask him how he's so sure it would work out in the long run. I'll try to do that later today after work (I'm running late :?). But maybe I should give him some more time first. I need time to think of what I really want to say. How I should say it.
I never saw something like this ever happening to me. I got a math exam to cram for, and he has one more CS exam. Best wishes to the both of us. On the exams, and on the next few days. Weeks. Months perhaps.
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