Honestly, I don't know how my mom thinks I would know all this stuff she expects from me when she doesn't even talk to me about it. Now, she's talking to me about it, and I don't know how she expected me to know all this stuff from before, when she never told me what she was thinking.
Apparently, she WANTS me to stay at home when I'm done school, until I'm married basically, cause that's what Chinese people do.

She's saying that I can go to school in London even if just for college, but make sure I can justify the extra money spent on the program and rent. But, she's making me feel like absolutely shit because I was going to try to pay everything on my own, even though I know it's borrowed money, I was gonna return it. She thinks that because she's my mom, she has to pay everything back for me until I can pay her back, so the interest doesn't accumlate as much. I mean, I appreciate that she's thinking like that for me, but she didn't think I was going to automatically assume she was gonna do that, did she? cause she doesn't know me then. Then again, I don't know why she would. Sure, she gave birth to me (supposedly. I really wonder if I was adopted or switched in the baby room or something sometimes), but, that doesn't mean she knows me inside out. Mike knows me the most, and that's because we're very similar in many aspects, he can guess many of my characterisitcs/qualities . And he's only known me for just under a month. I just want to spend time with him, talk to him, see what he thinks I should do. Feelings aside, I know he'd tell me the truth of what he'd think I should do with school. But I want to talk to him in person.

He's coming back on this Thursday now. I have a slight feeling, if I didn't have work the next day and the weather is good, he'd actaully come to Mississauga to spend new years eve with me, but I told him I had work. He's so sweet, and I feel so bad for putting him through this. I should suffer, not him. He's already been through so much. I dunno, I'm just confused. Conflicting morals and emotions. I'm listening a bit more to my emotions right now, but it's messing with my mind. agh. damn heart makes us feel , makes us live, makes us suffer.
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them." (Hamlet, III,i)