I couldn't get enough of this song on the trip. I think my roomies are about to kill me. :?
The road trip with my roomies was fun overall.  Some good jokes and stories and phrases that will be used months, perhaps years to come. "Holy Giant Jesus!" haha...I never knew Americans were that religious. But anyway. I don't have much to say about the trip right now, except that it was a friggen long 26hr drive because of all the stop overs. Stupid Kentucky didn't let us rent a room for the night on our way down to Florida because we weren't 21. :roll: so we drove straight throughout the night. Interesting drive. quite interesting.

I felt a bit lonely without Mike on the trip though. lol, sharing a bed with Jenna or Kay just wasn't the same. lol. I kept my corner of the bed and tried not to fall off. hahaha. I chose the floor a couple times, for that reason, and the beds were too soft :? hurt my back. heh.
I gave him a call on Tuesday after our 11hr stay at the hospital (Jenna had food poisoning from DisneyWorld). I had wanted to call him all night (we went at like, midnight), but I didn't want to wake him up. So i waited until we got back to the hotel at 11ish. I really missed him on the trip.

Since we got back, we spent a few hours together yesterday. It was a good few hours. He fell asleep when we were just laying on his bed. I was quite at peace. Until Karen called. And since then, it's been quite confusing. I don't know what I should do. I want to stay with him. For now. But will that make it that much harder in the future? If, I can't leave the country with him, will I be torn to pieces? We would try to ease out of our intimacy well ahead of the day he leaves, and we'd try to do the friends-only deal, but is that what I want? Do I want to go with him? Can I go with him? My head says no, my heart says yes. I told him yesterday, that I was 90% Canadian, 10% Chinese (I can't quite remember why). And I think it's the 10% Chinese that's holding me back so much. My mom said, that, Chinese culture and Western culture are just different, and it can't be changed. I was really saddened when she told me that. She obviously wasn't thinking of it in THIS context, but it applies here as well. I'm torn between my heritage I was born with, and the heritage I was raised in. I never thought it would be such a conflict.
Honestly, I think he and my dad would get along VERY well - if he was Chinese. But, because he's not, I dont know. I really don't know.
As I've said before (I think on this blog :?), I've done things because that's what they wanted me to do. But what about this time? I know boys come and go, and family is forever, but, I've never been that close with my family anyway. But, I can't just do that to them. Who do I want to please more? What about what I want? But I can't be that selfish. I've never been one to do something because only I wanted it - unless it didn't affect anyone else in a negative way.
I don't know. Sometimes, I think I should talk to my parents, let them know that I am actually seeing someone right now. And my predicaments. But, if it doesn't work out, I don't see a point. But, maybe it can help me with a decision. I think, right now, it is only family that is standing in my way of saying yes to him. I don't enjoy travelling that much, but it's not that terrible. I went on a roadtrip, was away from him for a week, and it was hard. It was very hard. Every quiet moment I had, I was thinking about him. Worrying about what was happening with him, and that I wasn't there to help him through it. I don't really want to do that again.

He thinks I'm upset with him; I'm not. I'm upset with myself. I hope I can tell him all of this one day. But, I don't think I can without making things more difficult for him, myself, the both of us. I want to be able to tell him everything, but, it's too unstable right now. I will wait until things have settled down between him and Karen. And hope that it won't be too late.


Love doesn't make the world go round.
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
--Franklin P. Jones