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Truth

05.01.05 (9:51 pm) [edit]

I moved out of the apartment and into the new house today. It was exciting, alot of people helped, and THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH for ALL of your help! It would've taken the 3 of us a week to do all that work! :)

I had another mission this weekend. It failed though. I made a couple of CDs for Mike, of some chinese songs that I thought he'd like, sort of like, a sampler CD. And, once he knows the artist's name, he can go find more music by him/her/them. But, partly, I was making it for an excuse to see him to give it to him. I was hoping to exchange the CD and textbook, and maybe bring closure to our relationship. I still feel that it went down WAY worse than it had to. I really wanted to see him. But when I finally realised that I really missed my chance, I almost cried in the parking lot at the apt. Thanks Cat, for coming up this weekend, I dunno if I would've made it home if you weren't there with me.

I told him that it wasn't that important, that I could mail it. But, I can't mail ME, can I? lol... I just, I dunno. wanna, apologize, make sure we're okay, set ground rules as friends. And, even though, we discuss it online, it just doesn't feel "official". I really feel like I need to hear it from him, and to say it to him. For it to be FINAL. But until then, I think I will continue being a wreck. I don't know if it's noticable, but I am trying to hide it. Obviously. Being at home forces me to do that.

... I want to be in London. At my new house. Try to start new and better. And stronger. Different.

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