And thus, since I have not really talked to anyone outside of work, I have read alot, and listened to music while I was not reading.

I know I have posted the lyrics to these songs before, but I want to post them again, with a few emphasized lines.

"Scars" - Papa Roach ( Getting away with Murder, track 8)
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
and I just want to be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
why don't you just go home?
I've channeled all your pain
I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
all I can say is:
I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
my weakness is that I care too much
our scars remind us the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I tried to help you once
against my own advice
I saw you goin' down
but you never realised
that you're drowning in the water
So I offered my hand
compassion is in my nature
tonight is our last stand
I can't help you fix yourself
but at least I can say I tried
sorry but I gotta move on with my own life



"Sometimes" - Papa Roach ( Getting away with Murder, track 9)
I'm dreamin' about tomorrow
and I'm thinkin' of yesterday
I consume myself in sorrow this moment in time is what I betray
I am searching for the answers
I look around sometimes I get sad
cause I don't know which way to go
I look around sometimes I get sad
cause my life is spinning out of control
I never know what you want
I never know what you need
it was different from the start
when you cut me in two I never thought I would bleed
I will go this alone
I don't need nobody's help
I've got to do this myself
Alone!


uh, alright, as I look over what I bolded, it's pretty much the whole song.
oh well.
Our scars remind us that the past is real - I suppose this is in response to one of my "recent" posts, when I wondered if any of what happened, REALLY happened. Though it has been over a month, for some reason, my bruises are still visible, when I punched my closet door several times for several days out of anger and frustration. I have always been so-called vicious, but I usually don't really cause any damage to anyone. But if I do, then I must really be angry if I actually did anything. And so, I know that the past is real because that is shown by my bruises.

I am just in a phase now, where I'm just up one minute, down another. (I wonder if it's possible to have only a mild form/case of bi-polar depression? ) But, once I get down, I usually stay down. I wanna cry. But, there is no real good reason anymore, I suppose. I'm still angry. I'm still sad. But, I am now just reminiscing about our past. And it makes me really sad.  And so many things just make me wanna cry. Usually at work. Or, just when I'm around people.  Plus, reading for my Anthro class makes me think about relationships in general, and about life. Alotta stuff.  I suppose it's not as bad as Sociology, but, we've only scratched the surface in the class, so, we'll see what happens in a month.

Back to Anthro and avoiding MSN. I can be reached at home and at work if I'm not at home and on my cell if I'm not at work. (Steph, SHREK NIGHT!!!...tomorrow...hehe)