"Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there with open arms and open eyes"

Good song.

...is what I think is key to life.  Though time is money, money isn't everything. Do not compromise your morals, though.

What goes around will come around.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But one day, when you need someone to compromise with you for something, you're gonna be sh*t out of luck.

Yes, this is your life, but think about the other person's life.  Set a limit to your compromise, and if the other refuses to see your side, then that is where this won't work, I suppose.  But you gotta be flexible to a certain point.

That's just how I see it.  Anyone else?

I've been listening to this song on loop for the past few days - I really like it. I recommend it.  The lyrics are posted below.
I found out some info last night, and it made me realise that I am totally over the guy who hurt me to the core.  I went to bed with a hugemo grin on my face, I don't think I've been this happy in a while. :)   This has gotta be the greatest feeling I've had - to not feel tied to something that happened in the past.  


---"Over You" - Chris Daughtry------------

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

I ask, how am I to have faith in people when people you think you trust don't respect you enough to tell you the truth and treat you the way you are deserved to be treated? 

I'm sorry people, but when things like this happen, it just makes me wonder, who can you believe in this world? Who can you trust? Who deserves your full trust? 

It hurts when you learn that what you put all your time and effort into, ends up the way it did in this situation I'm referring to.  Sorry that it happened to you, I know what it feels like.  *hug* 

I'm 25% thinking that I'm gonna close this blog up. I don't use it that much anymore. And there exists thoughts and memories that I sort of want to forget.

Also, if potential employees really try to look up things you post online, I think I need to start eliminating my online aliases... It seems kinda unprofessional. Well, the stuff I write about anyway.  We'll see. But if one day you come here, and things are gone, you'll know why.  (when I say you, I think it only means like, 2 people, lol)

yay!!!!  My work likes me! hehe. Supposedly, the other day, they were discussing how all the work I've done for them had always been so good, that they want me to drop out of school and work for them full time... and I'm like, uh... I don' t think my mom will be too happy about that... lol

But they like me!!!!! :D :D That's exciting :)  now... is it cause the work I do is ACTUALLY good? or I just have a good work ethic and don't waste time when I'm there? hmm...

If I tell you not to touch me, don't fucking touch me. I have my reasons, and I do not feel the need to tell you. Just stop touching me, stop looking at me, and keep talking to a minimum. I don't think we're THAT close of friends. Leave me the F*** alone.

Sorry. Either I'm pmsing, or this person just REALLY pisses me off. ;oiw;46oi; jawerp[ik;/o

I feel like it's been a while since I've used a song in my title, cause I couldn't remember if I put the title first, or the artist first. meh.

So anyway, been busy lately with school. it should "ease up" a bit next week. for a couple days anyway. then gotta get back into studying and working on assignments (2 midterms on the monday after next).  I seem to have gotten sick on the weekend when I went home for Thanksgiving weekend (although, my family didnt' celebrate thanksgiving, we celebrated the chinese's mid-autumn festival thingy, and my dad's chinese bday).  I thought it was allergies. but I took allergy pills and they didn't help that much.  So i got some cold medicine. gonna pop a couple in a few minutes, then head off to bed. :)

Today and yesterday wasn't great for school, due to sickness. I thought i was running a fever today during my night class. it was soo hot. oy. and I was overall out of it.  I temporarily lost my buspass/studentcard/SINca rd :S  But someone found it and was about to bring it to the registrar's office.  I caught him at the I/O counter, and he was talking to the I/O clerk person there, and when I asked the I/O person if anyone brought him a student card or anything, the guy (who found it) was like, u mean this one?  so yeah. :D  I'm glad i found it. cause it woudl've majorly sucked to have lost my bus pass THAT early :S  I remember losing it early on in the semester last year too :S  man, i really need to attach that thing to my neck or something. lol

OHOH! so i got a new keyboard and a new mouse. The Microsoft Natural Ergonomic 4000 keyboard or something like that... and some Kensington trackball mouse...Orbitz or something like that. lol. I'm getting used to both, I like it. too had i don't have this set up at work. the keyboard would be soooo good. I could live with a normal mouse, since i dont' use it as extensively as the keyboard.

anyway.  gotta go pop some pills now. have a good night!


PS: one of our family friends quit MICROSOFT recently just cause he wanted to do something else. He's my new hero. He was offered to be promoted several times, just to have him stay at the company, but it's just not what he wanted to do.  (he made well over 100G, I'm sure) He's a churchy, musicy, easy-going type of guy.  And I think he wants to teach or something.  i dunno. I should talk to him more. lol.  That's my random side note. You should've seen my reaction when my mom told me he quit MICROSOFT. :|  

I need out. Out of this cycle. Out of my old memories. Out of the past that I want to forget.

On the "plus" side, at least I'm not thinking about all the bad stuff, and feeling all the hatred and everything that sprung from it.  But thinking about the "good" times we had isn't good either - it just makes me want someone "for myself" - which I know that I am totally not ready for, perhaps not even ever in my life time. It's just not one of my characteristics - to share myself with another person. I can be independent - I AM independent. somewhat. lol.  And I want to keep it that way .... it'd just be alot easier if I didn't have sporadic "feelings" that make me think otherwise. bleh. Why does being human have such annoyances tied to it?  Can't I just BE a computer? Execute instructions as programmed into me? Even Artificial Intelligence isn't real thinking - it is just a set of instructions that are executed, based on a HUGE set of rules that are made up for the robot/computer.


That was random ...

I was leaving class last night, and while walking to the bus stop, I noticed a guy walking in the opposite direction, passing me. I *think* we made eye contact briefly, but it was dark, so i'm not positive. lol. ANYWHO. so it took a second to place the face. Perhaps Mike from first year?!? After we passed, I looked back at him, and he had a slight limp! I recognise that limp from first year!

So I'm pretty sure it's the same guy as the one I met in CS in first year. I saw him again when I was on the bus and passed him as he reached his car.

After I got off the bus and was walking back to the house to get ready for Laura's bday celebration (which to be honest, I didn't REALLY wanna go, cause it was Wednesday night and I had work in the morning, then straight to class), I just had this giddy feeling...  He's still at UWO!  I was thinking that he left or something, cause I saw him ONCE in Second year (I think he switched to Kin), and haven't seen him since.  I forgot about him for a while, until now... lol

Aww, I miss our innocent little convos that were a bit awkward cause I'm usually shy around ppl I like.  lol.

So I've been happier since last night. ... oy. no boys. no boys!! I doubt i'll see him again. maybe next year. but still highly unlikely.

:)

Hope all is well on all your (people reading this) ends!

Over the past weekish, I've done some observing and some thinking.

I *think* I don't hate m--- anymore.  Well, I shouldn't anyway.  Unfortunately, that puts more hate on myself, because I strongly believe that everything that happened, was because I was an idiot and never said anything.  It wasn't him at all; it was me.  Clearly, I'm not entirely over the situation yet, but I think I can say that I don't hate him anymore.

I forgive you for what you did, because you had no idea what was going on with me.  You couldn't have known.  I just assumed that people did not behave like that.  But after this summer, I realise that everyone is VERY different, and unless you talk about it, you really can't be mad at the person.  People aren't mind readers (although you were pretty good at reading mine). I was just too naive. 

In the short time I've known you, it's been an interesting ride.  And while I may still see you next year and/or the year after, I don't think I will dread seeing you as much anymore.  You're in my past.  Things aren't going to change.  I have learned my lesson.  And I hope you learned something, too. 

I certainly won't ever forget what's happened, though.

Have a good life, Mike.

i only went on to accept someone as a friend. then i randomly started clicking on ppl to see if we had friends in common or whatever. then i clicked far and wide. well, still staying within my school's network. then i found this one person... who was the girl that was in m---'s 2nd year biz group. and she had pics. with him.  studying day and night for the next 2.5 days is gonna be interesting. frig.  honestly. i'm such a dumbass. used for 3 months as a transition from one relationship to another. why can't i just forget that i was played by a worthless guy who means nothing? f*ck.
  I guess they hit it off better than our "relationship" was going. he was too much of a wuss to really tell me i guess. afraid of being lonely for a month or something.

I don't even know what to say. or feel. but i have a feeling of hate and disgust. again. 

Many people are afraid of being lonely, so they get themselves stuck in a situation where they are miserable or something, or end up using the person they're with, because they just don't wanna be lonely - whether they feel the same way about the other person as he/she does about them.

But you know, this fear just keeps you stuck in that hole, and you end up hurting more people.  Just friggen embrace the fact that you're gonna be lonely, regardless if you're with the poor soul you're with right now, or actually without someone.  In the end, you're not gonna fool anyone. Not even yourself.  Well, you may fool some ppl who see u from a distance, but what does that matter?